Billion Jokes / Recent Jokes
The Gettysburg address is 269 words, the Declaration of Independence is 1,337 words, and the Holy Bible is only 773,000 words. However, the tax law has grown from 11,400 words in 1913, to 7 million words today.
There are at least 480 different tax forms, each with many pages of instructions.
Even the easiest form, the 1040E has 33 pages in instructions, and all in fine print.
The IRS sends out 8 billion pages of forms and instructions each year. Laid end to end, they would stretch 28 times around the earth.
Nearly 300,000 trees are cut down yearly to produce the paper for all the IRS forms and instructions.
American taxpayers spend $200 billion and 5.4 billion hours working to comply with federal taxes each year, more than it takes to produce every car, truck, and van in the United States.
The burden of compliance is the equivalent to a staff of 3 million people working full time for a year, just to comply with the taxes on individuals and businesses.
The more...
According to a recent government publication. ..
A billion seconds ago Harry Truman was president.
A billion minutes ago was just after the time of Christ.
A billion hours ago man had not yet walked on earth.
A billion dollars ago was late yesterday at the U. S. Treasury.
There was a guy who just got out of a really bad divorce with his wife. One day, he found a genie's lamp.
The genie came out and said, "Hello master. I will grant you three wishes but, what ever you wish for your wife gets double."
The guy didn't like that part but he made a wish anyway. For his first wish, he said,
"Genie, I want a house in Hawaii." POOF!!! He got one house, his wife got two. This didn't make him happy but, he made his second wish.
"Genie, I want 2 billion dollars." POOF! He got two billion, his wife four billion. By now, this guy isn't very happy. The genie says, "You have one wish left. I have to remind you, what ever you wish for your wife gets double." The guy says, "Yeah, yeah. I know." So the guy thinks real hard and says "
I got it! Genie, beat me half to death!!"
.
We yell for the Government to balance the budget, then take the last dime we have to make the down payment on a car.
We whip the enemy in battle, then give them the shirt off our backs.
We yell for speed laws that will stop fast driving, then won't buy a car if it can't go over 100 miles an hour.
Americans get scared to death if we vote a billion dollars for education, then are unconcerned when we find out we are spending three billion dollars a year for cigarettes.
We know the line-up of every baseball team in the American and National Leagues but don't know half the words in the "Star Spangled Banner".
We'll spend half a day looking for vitamin pills to make us live longer, then drive 90 miles an hour on slick pavement to make up for lost time.
We tie up our dog while letting our sixteen year old son run wild.
We will work hard on a farm so we can move into town where we can make more money so we can move back to the farm.
In the more...
We yell for the Government to balance the budget, then take the last dime we have to make the down payment on a car. We whip the enemy in battle, then give them the shirt off our backs. We yell for speed laws that will stop fast driving, then won't buy a car if it can't go over 100 miles an hour. Americans get scared to death if we vote a billion dollars for education, then are unconcerned when we find out we are spending three billion dollars a year for cigarettes. We know the line-up of every baseball team in the American and National Leagues but don't know half the words in the "Star Spangled Banner". We'll spend half a day looking for vitamin pills to make us live longer, then drive 90 miles an hour on slick pavement to make up for lost time. We tie up our dog while letting our sixteen year old son run wild. We will work hard on a farm so we can move into town where we can make more money so we can move back to the farm. In the office we talk about baseball, shopping or more...
The Gettysburg Address Is 269 Words, The Declaration Of Independence Is 1, 337 Words, And The Holy Bible Is Only 773, 000 Words. However, The Us Tax Law Has Grown From 11, 400 Words In 1913, To 7 Million Words Today.
There Are At Least 480 Different Tax Forms, Each With Many Pages Of Instructions.
Even The Easiest Form, The 1040ez Has 33 Pages In Instructions, And All In Fine Print.
The Irs (Internal Revenue Service - Us Taxing Authority) Sends Out 8 Billion Pages Of Forms And Instructions Each Year. Laid End To End, They Would Stretch 28 Times Around The Earth.
Nearly 300, 000 Trees Are Cut Down Yearly To Produce The Paper For All The Irs Forms And Instructions.
American Taxpayers Spend $200 Billion And 5. 4 Billion Hours Working To Comply With Federal Taxes Each Year, More Than It Takes To Produce Every Car, Truck, And Van In The United States.
The Burden Of Compliance Is The Equivalent To A Staff Of 3 Million People more...
The renowned cosmogonist Professor Bignumska, lecturing on the future of the universe, had just stated that in about a billion years, according to her calculations, the earth would fall into the sun in a fiery death. In the back of the auditorium a tremulous voice piped up: " Excuse me, Professor, but h-h-how long did you say it would be?" Professor Bignumska calmly replied, "About a billion years." A sigh of relief was heard. "Whew! for a minute there, I thought you'd said million years."