Biologist Jokes / Recent Jokes
A mathematical biologist spends his vacation hiking in the Scottish highlands. One day, he encounters a shepherd with a large herd of sheep. One of these cuddly, woolly animals would make a great pet, he thinks...
"How much for one of your sheep?" he asks the shepherd.
"They aren't for sale", the shepherd replies.
The math biologist ponders for a moment and then says: "I will give you the precise number of sheep in your herd without counting. If I'm right, don't you think that I deserve one of them as a reward?"
The shepherd nods.
The math biologist says: "387".
The shepherd is silent for a while and then says: "You're right. I hate to loose any of my sheep, but I promised: One of them is yours. Have your pick!"
The math biologist grabs one of the animals, puts it on his shoulders, and is about to march on, when the shepherd says: "Wait! I will tell you what your profession is, and if I'm right more...
A boy frog telephones the Psychic Hotline and his Personal Psychic Advisor tells him: "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you."The frog is thrilled, "This is great! Will I meet her at a party?""No," says his Advisor, "in her biology class."
A wildlife biologist is working in the woods, miles from the nearest town. Hes camped alone with his dog and cat as his companions. Suddenly, an old gentleman carrying a small limp dog, franticly runs into his camp. "Please, please help me! I think something has happened to Willie. Our Winnebago is parked just around the bend and weve seen you camped here. We didnt know what to do. We thought of you because we had seen all this scientific equipment laying around here. Can you help him?"" Sir, Im not a vet, Im a wildlife biologist," the young biologist told the worried man."Can you please just have a look at him, Ill pay you anything you need. I just need to know. If hes still alive, maybe I can rush him into town.""Ok, put him here on the table." The young biologist looks the limp dog over, but its plain that the dog is dead,, no pulse or signs of breathing."Im sorry sir, but Im afraid poor Willie is dead." "No, I cant believe more...
A biologist phones his wife from his office and says, "Honey, something has just come up, I realize its not my field season, but I have to visit my field site for a week. So, would you pack my clothes, my field equipment and my blue silk pajamas? I'll be home in 1 hour to pick them up."
A week later he returned. "Did you have a good trip, dear?" his wife asked.
"Oh, it was just a typical field trip, you know, work work work," he exclaimed, and added "But you forgot to pack my blue silk pajamas."
"No I didn't," she replied. "I put them in the box of field equipment!"
A biologist, a physicist and a mathematician were sitting in a street cafe watching the crowd. Across the street they saw a man and a woman entering a building. Ten minutes they reappeared together with a third person. - They have multiplied, said the biologist. - Oh no, an error in measurement, the physicist sighed. - If exactly one person enters the building now, it will be empty again, the mathematician concluded.
The teacher asks, "Jessica, what part of the human body increases ten times when excited?"
Jessica blushes and says, "That's disgusting, I won't even answer that question."
The teacher calls on Johnny: "What part of the human body increases ten times when excited?"
"That's easy," says Johnny. "It's the pupil of the eye."
"Very good, Johnny," responds the teacher. "That's correct."
She then turns to Jessica and says, "First, you didn't made your homework. Second, you have a dirty mind. And third, you're in for a BIG disappointment."
A couple of biologist had twins, one they called John and the other - control.