Birth Jokes / Recent Jokes

"Do you know what the best birth control in the world is?"

"No."

"That's right."

An old joke, so old I don't remember the source - sorry :)
There was this white missionary working in the jungles of Africa with a
local tribe there.
One day the wife of the tribe's chief got pregnant and eventually
gave birth. The Chief was utterly shocked when he found out that
the baby was a white boy. He was really confused so he decided to
pay a visit to the missionary.
"Father, my wife gave birth to a baby"
"Why, that's a very good news, Chief. Congrats"
"But Father, it is a white boy!?!?!?"
The missionary thinks for sometime and in a deep voice replies,
"Well Chief, sometimes nature does work in some strange ways...
The other day I was taking a stroll along the mountain side
and I saw this beautiful black sheep in a herd of white
sheep.."
The Chief looked very surprised and was silent for a moment
before he spoke,
"Okay Father, here's the deal. You tell no one, and more...

A Texan bought a round of drinks for all in the bar and announced that his wife had just produced a typical Texas baby, weighing a whopping twenty pounds."WOW!" was the response from everyone at the bar.Two weeks later the Texan returned to the bar. The bartenderrecognized him and asked, "Aren't you the father of the baby that weighed twenty pounds at birth? How much does he weigh now?" The proud father answered, "10 pounds."The bartender said, "Why? I know that babies lose some weight after birth, but ten pounds? He did weigh twenty pounds, didn't he? What happened? The proud Texas father said, "Just had him circumcised!"

A Texan bought a round of drinks for all in the bar and said that his wife had just produced "a typical Texas baby" weighing twenty pounds.
"Wow! Twenty pounds!" exclaimed many at the bar as they congratulated the proud father.
Two weeks later he returned to the bar. The bartender recognized him and asked, "Aren't you the father of the typical Texas baby that weighed twenty pounds at birth? How much does he weigh now?"
The proud father answered, "10 pounds."
The bartender said, "Why, what happened? Didn't he weigh twenty pounds at birth?"
The proud Texas father said, "Yup... just had him circumcised!"

When I was a mother's helper, the mom of the family I worked for sat with her three oldest children and watched a PBS special showing the birth of a baby. The mom thought it would be a good starting point for answering questions about the facts of life.As her five-year-old studied the baby coming out of the birth canal, he asked, "Mom, does that hurt?""Oh, yes, it does," she said, remembering her difficult deliveries."Wow," he continued in awe, "does it hurt the mother too?"

An elderly woman went into the doctor's office.
When the doctor asked why she was there, she replied, "I'd like to have some birth control pills."
Taken aback, the doctor thought for a minute and then said, "Excuse me, Mrs. Smith, but you're 72 years old. What possible use could you have for birth control pills?"
The woman responded, "They help me sleep better."
The doctor thought some more and continued, "How in the world do birth control pills help you to sleep?"
The woman said, "I put them in my granddaughter's orange juice every morning and I sleep better at night."

A semitone flat on the high notes.
A square with only three sides.
A steering wheel / few bolts short of a Yugo.
A teapot with a cracked lid.
A titanic intellect… In a world full of icebergs.
A vacuum-tube brain in a microchip world.
A VGA card and a Herc monitor.
A victim of retroactive birth control.
A violin minus the bow.
A walking argument for birth control.
A wind-up clock without a key.
About half smart.
Afraid she’ll void her warranty if she thinks too much.
Airhead / bubble-brain.
Aliens zapped him with stupidity ray - twice