Birth Jokes / Recent Jokes
A man took his pregnant wife to the hospital to give birth, and the doctor told them that he had developed an experimental machine and asked if they'd like to try it out. He explained carefully that the machine could take some of the pain of childbirth from the mother and give it to the father.
Both the husband and the wife thought this was a wonderful (and very fair) idea, and decided to give it a try.
The doctor set the knob on the machine to ten percent for starters, explaining to the man that even ten percent was probably more pain than he had ever experienced. But the man was surprised at how little pain he felt and asked the doctor to go ahead and turn it up a notch. The doctor twisted the knob up to twenty percent and checked the husband's blood pressure, which was fine.
Amazed, the doctor turned the knob again and increased the pain threshold to fifty percent. Still feeling nothing, the husband encouraged the doctor to give him ALL the pain. Again, dumbfounded, more...
Yo Mama is so old her birth certificate is in Roman numerals!
What do violinists use for birth control?
Their personalities.
The young Indian boy had spent most of his life in a quandry... He felt different yet... couldn't figure why... he was just so depressed. He went to the Chief for answers... He asked the chief how his brother Red Deer Running had gotten his name... The chief answered in his typically poetic way..."When Red Deer Running was born, at the moment of his birth, the first thing his mother saw was a beautiful deer running off into the forest... and so Running Deer was named. It is the custom of our tribe to name the offspring according to the spirits in nature visiting upon the birth." Then, the boy said to the Chief... And how did my sister "Thundering Bird" get her name? The chief described again, how at the moment of her birth Thundering Bird's mother had heard a roar of thunder and looking up, saw a bird flying in the sky... The boy asked again, how his cousin "White Crouching Bear" had been given such a name... And the chief, looking down once more at the more...
A missionary gets sent into deepest darkest Africa and goes to live with a tribe therein. He spends years with the people, teaching them to read, write and the good Christian ways of the white man. One thing he particularly stresses is the evils of sexual sin. Thou must not commit adultery or fornication!
One day the wife of one of the Tribe's noblemen gives birth to a white child. The village is shocked and the chief is sent by his people to talk with the missionary.
'You have taught us of the evils of sexual sin, yet here a black woman gives birth to a white child. You are the only white man that has ever set foot in our village. It doesn't take a genius to work out what has been going on!'
The missionary replies:' No, no, my good man. You are mistaken. What you have here is a natural occurrence -- what is called an albino. Look to thy yonder field. See a field of white sheep, and yet amongst them is one black one. Nature does this on more...
Three men were discussing at a bar about coincidences. The first man said, " my wife was reading a "tale of two cities" and she gave birth to twins"
"That`s funny", the second man remarked, "my wife was reading' the three musketeers' and she gave birth to triplets"
The third man shouted, "Good God, I have to rush home!"
When asked what the problem was, he exclaimed, " When I left the house, my wife was reading Ali baba and the forty Thieves"!!!
An Italian named Uncle Vito buys a round of drinks for all in the bar because he announces his wife has just produced "a typical Italian baby boy weighing 25 pounds."
Congratulations showered him from all around, and many exclamations of, "WOW!" were heard. A woman faints due to sympathy pains.
Two weeks later, he returns to the bar. The bartender says, "Say, you're the father of the typical Italian baby that weighed 25 pounds at birth. How much does he weigh now?"
The proud father, Uncle Vito, answered, "Seventeen pounds."
The bartender is puzzled and concerned and asks, "Why? What happened? He already weighed 25 pounds at birth."
The Italian father, Uncle Vito, takes a slow swig from his scotch on the rocks, wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans in to the bartender and proudly says, "We had his hair cut!"