Birthday Jokes / Recent Jokes
The man walked over to the perfume counter and told the clerk he'd like a bottle of Chanel No. 5 for his wife's birthday.
"A little surprise, eh?" smiled the clerk.
"You bet," answered the customer. "She's expecting a cruise."
He- It's coming up on your birthday and I'd like some idea of what
you would like for your birthday.
She- I want a divorce!!
Pause-
He- I'm really sorry, but I hadn't planned to spend that much.
Mum :What will you give your grandma on her 100th birthday?
Jerry :A fire extinguisher.
Mum :But why?
Jerry :How would you expect an old lady like grandma to blow out 100 candles?
Kids Say The Darnest Things
TEACHER: Jack, how old are you on your last birthday?
JACK: 7 years old
TEACHER: How old are you going to be on your next birthday?
JACK: 9 years old
TEACHER: That's impossible!
JACK: No it's not. I'm 8 today.
TEACHER: Mike, go to the map and show me where America is.
MIKE: Here it is!
TEACHER: Good. Now class, who discovered America?
CLASS: Mike! !!
TEACHER: Didn't you promise to behave?
STUDENT: Yes sir.
TEACHER: And didn't I promise to punish you when you misbehave?
STUDENT: Yes sir. But since I didn't keep my promise, you don't need to keep yours.
COOL STUDENT: Teacher would you punish me for something I didn't do?
TEACHER: No.
COOL STUDENT: Good' cos I didn't do my homework.
TEACHER: Alfred, name one important thing that we have today and we don't 10 years ago.
ALFRED: Me! !!
TEACHER: Are you chewing gum?
BILLY: No. I'm Billy Anderson.
TEACHER: more...
1)Sept. 17, 1955: Young Michael Jagger gets his lips caught in a Coke bottle for several hours.2)September 8, 1949: In Bavaria, Richard Strauss dies.
September 8, 1949: In Greece, Milos Muzak is born.3)November 17, 1984: "Don't worry, Mr. Dylan, the novocaine will wear off *LONG* before your recording session."4)October 31, 1975: At a costume party in Greenwich Village, a soldier, an Indian, a biker, a construction worker, a cop and a cowboy all decide, "This is too much fun to do just once a year!"5)July 23, 1956: Colonel Tom Parker says to Elvis, "Boy, you're nothin' but skin and bones. You better put on some weight, or people are gonna think you're sick!"6)June 7, 1966: "Hey, chaps, I'd like you to meet my new girlfriend, Yoko."7)August 15, 1953: Future songwriter Jimmy Webb forgets his slice of birthday cake outside. Moments later, it begins to rain.8)November 3, 1987: Knowing how much her kids loved "Star Wars," a naive Tipper more...
Fred: I was going to buy you a handkerchief for your birthday. Betty: That was a kind thought. But why didnt you? Fred: I couldnt find one big enough for your nose.
A fellow was very much in love with a beautiful girl. One day she told him that the next day was her birthday. He told her he would send her a bouquet of roses... one for each year of her life.
That evening he called the local florist and ordered twenty-one roses with instructions that they be delivered first thing the next morning.
As the florist was preparing the order, he decided that since the young man was such a good customer, he would put an extra dozen roses in the bouquet.
The fellow never did find out what made the young girl so angry with him.