Bit Jokes / Recent Jokes
A woman is picked up by Dennis Rodman in a bar. They like each other and she goes back with him to his hotel room. He removes his shirt revealing all his tattoos and she sees that on his arm is one which reads, "Reebok". She thinks that's a bit odd and asks him about it. Dennis says, "When I play basketball, the cameras pick up the tattoo and Reebok pays me for advertisement." A bit later, his pants are off and she sees "Puma" tattooed on his leg. He gives the same explanation for the unusual tattoo. Finally, the underwear comes off and she sees the word "AIDS" tattooed on his penis. She jumps back with shock. "I'm not going to do it with a guy who has AIDS!" He says, "It's cool baby, in a minute it's going to say "ADIDAS".
A Rabbi and a Priest were sitting together on a train, and the Rabbileans over and asks, "So how high can you advance in your organization?" The Priest says "If I am lucky, I guess I could become a Bishop." "Well, could you get any higher than that?" asks the Rabbi." I suppose that if my works are seen in a very good light that I mightbe made an ArchBishop" said the Priest a bit cautiously." Is there any way that you might go higher than that?" "If all the Saints should smile, I guess I could be made a Cardinal""Could you be anything higher than a Cardinal?" probed the Rabbi. Hesitating a little bit, the Priest said "I supose that I could beelected Pope, but..."So the Rabbi says "And could you be anything higher than that?, is there any way to go up from being the Pope?" "What!!! I should be the Messiah himself!?!"The Rabbi leaned back and said "One of our boys made it."
Webster's Dictionary definition of Windows 95 Windows95: n. 32 bit extensions and a graphical shell for a 16 bit patch to an 8 bit operating system originally coded for a 4 bit microprocessor, written by a 2 bit company, that can't stand 1 bit of competition.
One fall day, Dave was out raking leaves when he noticed a hearse going down the street, followed by another hearse, followed by a man walking solemnly along, followed by a dog, and then about 200 men walking in single file.
Intrigued, Dave went up to the man following the second hearse and asked who was in the first one. “My wife, ” the man replied.
“I’m sorry, ” said Dave. “What happened to her? ” “My dog bit her and she died. ”
Dave was taken aback. “And who’s in the second hearse? ” “My mother-in-law. My dog bit her too and she died as well. ”
Dave asked, “Can I borrow your dog? ” “Get in line. ”
Gary, the fisherman, had driven by the lake many times and had seen some other anglers about, so he decided to give his luck a try. On his first day of fishing he had no luck at all but noticed that another fisherman near him that was scooping in one after another. He had to know The Secret.
"Excuse me sir, but would you mind telling me what sort of bait you are using?" he asked.
The other man looked around a bit embarrassed. "Well, I am a surgeon, and quite by accident I found that human tonsil works very well."
Gary thanked the man, thought about what sort of bait to try next time, and left.
The next day, Gary returned to the lake, tried a different bait and still had no luck.
Just as the day before, there was yet a different man reeling in fish after fish.
"Excuse me," asked Gary, "but could you suggest a bait that I could try?"
"Well, I can but I am not sure it more...
Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself, "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!"So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over. Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies, two in the front seat and three in the back, wide eyed and white as ghosts. The driver, obviously confused, says to him, "Officer, I dont understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?""Maam," the officer replies, "You werent speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers.""Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly twenty-two miles an hour!" the old woman says a bit proudly. The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle exp lains to her that "22" was the route number, not the speed more...
An extraordinarily handsome man decided he had the God-given responsibility to marry the perfect woman so they could produce children beyond comparison. With that as his mission he began searching for the perfect woman. After a diligent, but fruitless, search up and down the east coast, he started to head west. Shortly thereafter he met a farmer who had three stunning, gorgeous daughters that positively took his breath away. So he explained his mission to the farmer, asking for permission to marry one of them. The farmer simply replied, "They're all lookin' to get married, so you came to the right place. Look them over and select the one you want." The man dated the first daughter. The next day the farmer asked for the man's opinion." Well" said the man, " She's just a weeeeee bit, not that you can hardly notice, but pigeon-toed." The farmer nodded and suggested the man date one of the other girls; so the man went out with the second daughter. The next more...