Bit Jokes / Recent Jokes

Why aren't burgers the least bit scared of Halloween? They're used to people' goblin' them!

One fall day, Dave was out raking leaves when he noticed a hearse going down the street, followed by another hearse, followed by a man walking solemnly along, followed by a dog, and then about 200 men walking in single file. Intrigued, Dave went up to the man following the second hearse and asked who was in the first one. "My wife," the man replied. "I'm sorry," said Dave. "What happened to her?" "My dog bit her and she died." Dave was taken aback. "And who's in the second hearse?" "My mother-in-law. My dog bit her too and she died as well." Dave asked, "Can I borrow your dog?" "Get in line."

Father: How do you like going to school? Son: The going bit is fine, as is the coming home bit too, but Im not too keen on the time in-between!

Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer see's a car puttering along at 22 MPH.
He thinks to himself, "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!"So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.
Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies, two in the front seat and three in the back, wide eyed and white as ghosts.
The driver, obviously confused, says to him, "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?"
"Ma'am," the officer replies, "You weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers."
"Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly twenty-two miles an hour!" the old woman says a bit proudly.
The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that "22" more...

A woman is picked up by Dennis Rodman in a bar. They like each other and she goes back with him to his hotel room. He removes his shirt revealing all his tattoos and she sees that on his arm is one which reads, “Reebok. ” She thinks that is a bit odd and asks him about it.
Dennis says, “When I play basketball, the cameras pick up the tattoo and Reebok pays me for advertisement. ” A bit later, his pants are off and she sees “Puma” tattooed on his leg.
He gives the same explanation for the unusual tattoo. Finally, the underwear comes off and she sees the word “AIDS” tattooed on his penis. She jumps back with shock.
“I’m not going to do it with a guy who has AIDS! ” exclaims the woman.
Dennis Rodman replies, “It’s cool baby. In a minute it’s going to say ‘ADIDAS. ’”

A small balding man stormed into a local bar one evening and demanded, "Gimme a double of the strongest whiskey you got! I'm so pissed off I can't even see straight!" The bartender, noticing that the little man is a bit the worse for wear, pours him a DOUBLE.

The man swilled down the drink and demanded, "Gimme another ONE!" The bartender pours the drink, but said, "Now, before I give you this, why don't you let off a little steam and tell me WHY you're so upset?"

So the man begins his tale: "Well, I am a salesman for this fancy goose pillows. I got an order and took several samples to an apartment in this neighbourhood. I knock on the door and this woman opens the door. Now, the lady can't make up her mind, so she asks me to take the samples to the bedroom and check them there. As I get into the bedroom I hear some keys jingling, and SOMEONE starts fumbling with the door."

"Well, the woman says,' Oh my god, more...

"I think Rover is getting a bit old, he seems to be going deaf.""Bullshit, watch this... Rover sit! Oh dear, you're right, I'll getthe shovel and clean it up!"