Bit Jokes / Recent Jokes
Young Vestal was walking in his Florida backyard when an alligator bit him. "Mama!" yelled the boy. "A gator jus bit off mah foot!" "Which one?" called his mother from inside the cabin. "How the hell should Ah know?!" he shrieked. "They all look alike to me!"
It is once again time to vote for-the Darwin Award nominees for 1997. As you may already know, the Darwin Awards are for those nominees who will not be contributing to the gene pool (thankfully).
The 1997 nominees are:
NOMINEE No. 1: [San Jose Mercury News] An unidentified man, using a shotgun like a club to break a former girlfriend`s windshield, accidentally shot himself to death when the gun discharged, blowing a hole in his gut.
NOMINEE No. 2 [Kalamazoo Gazette] James Burns, 34, of Alamo, Mich., was killed in March as he was trying to repair what. police described as a "farm-type truck." Burns got a friend to drive the truck on a highway while Bums hung underneath so that he could asthe source of a troubling noise. Burns` clothes caught on something, however, and the other man found Burns "wrapped in the drive shaft."
NOMINEE No. 3 [Hickory Daily Record] Ken Charles Barger, 47, accidentally shot himself to death in more...
Why arent burgers the least bit scared of Halloween? Theyre used to people goblin them!
In a train compartment, there were 3 men and a ravishing young girl. The four passengers joined in conversation, which very soon turns to get erotic.
Suddenly, the young girl proposes, "If each of you give me $1. 00, I will show you my legs." The men, charmed by this young girl, all pulled a buck out of their wallet.
The girl then pulled her dress a bit to show her legs to them.
Now she says, "If each of you gentlemen give me $10. 00, I'll show you my thighs," and men being what they are, they all pulled out a ten dollar bill. The girl pulls up her dress all the way to her legs in full.
Conversation continues, and the men, a bit excited, have all taken off their coats.
Then the young girl says, "If you will give me $100, I will show you where I was operated on for appendicitis."
All three fork over the money. The girl then turned to the window and points outside at a building they're more...
A small balding man storms into a local bar and demands, "Gimme a double of the strongest whiskey you got. I'm so mad, I can't even see straight." The bartender, noticing that the little man is a bit the worse for wear, pours him a double of Southern Comfort. The man swills down the drink and says, "Gimme another one." The bartender pours the drink, but says, "Now, before I give you this, why don't you let off a little steam and tell me why you're so upset?" So, the man begins his tale. "Well, I was sitting in the bar next door, when this gorgeous blonde slinks in and actually sits beside me at the bar. I thought, "Wow, this has never happened before." You know, it was kind of a fantasy come true. Well, a couple of minutes later, the blonde leans over and asks if I'd like to come back to her hotel to have dinner and talk for a while. I couldn't believe this was happening, r and I hadn't had a good meal in quite a while. I managed to nod my more...
"Sister Ann, aren't you putting on a little weight?" inquired Father Dan during his visit to the convent, suspiciously eyeing her bulging stomach. "Why, no Father," answered the nun demurely, "It's just a little gas." A few months later Father Dan put the same question to the nun noticing her habit barely fit across her belly. "Oh, just a bit of gas," said sister Ann, blushing a bit. On his next visit Father Dan was walking down the corridor when he passed Sister Ann wheeling a baby carriage. Looking in, the priest observed, "Cute little Fart!"
A woman goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, I've got a bit of a problem. I'll have to take my clothes off to show you." The doctor tells her to go behind the screen and disrobe. She does so, and the doctor goes around to see her when she is ready. "Well, what is it?" he asks." It's a bit embarrassing," she replies. "These two green circles haveappeared on the inside of my thighs." The doctor examines her and finally admits he has no idea what the cause is. Then he suddenly asks, "Have you been having an affair with a gypsy lately?" The woman blushes and says, "Well, actually I have." "That's the problem," the doctor says, "Tell him his earrings aren't made of gold!!!"