Bitter Jokes / Recent Jokes

That which has bitter to endure may be sweet to remember. Fuller

After a bitter marketing war, in which prices were continually being undercut, Birdseye and the Green Giant got together to settle their differences at a Peas Conference.

A is for Arteries.
You know, the things that your ex-girlfriend ripped
out because she really didn't care for you you twit
she was only after your money and could have given
a poo about you.
B is for Bitter.
Who, me? No way. I really hope things between them
do work out. I hope they get married and have 2 children that are little devils and her hips get huge and his eyebrows finally grow completely together and they get fat and old together and then DIE!!
C is for Call ya later.
She won't. She never has before.
D is for Dumped.
Does D need to be explained?
E is for Eating like a pig.
Remember when you took her out and she said "I'm not
hungry" so you figured you could take her to a nice
place because you were able to afford a nice meal at
this fine restaurant. Then she ate more than your
Uncle Roy (you remember Uncle Roy the one with the mustard stains on everything). So you flip the bill and are broke for more...

As most of you know, a blast of bitter cold has struck a large part of the U.S. during the past week. One sharp observer in Washington D.C. noticed that it was so cold that the lawyer/lobyists had their hands in their own pockets for a change!

The change maker
Freda was looking very sad whilst talking to her best friend Kitty. "Ever since we got married, Robert has been trying to change me. That’s all he seems to do. He got me to stop drinking, cut down significantly on my smoking, and he stopped me going shopping at Brent Cross at all hours of the day. He taught me how to dress well, how to enjoy the fine arts, he got me to enjoy gourmet cooking, classical music and recently how to invest in the stock market. He even sent me to Hebrew Classes."
On hearing this, Kitty said, "Sounds like are just a little bitter because Robert spends so much time trying to change you."
"I`m not bitter, " said Freda. "Now that I`m so improved, I find he just isn`t good enough for me any more."

"Ever since we got married, my wife has tried to change me. She got me to stop drinking, smoking and running around until all hours of the night. She taught me how to dress well, enjoy the fine arts, gourmet cooking, classical music, even how to invest in the stock market."

"Sounds like you may be bitter because she changed you so drastically," remarked his friend.

"I'm not bitter. Now that I'm so improved, she just isn't good enough for me."

Banta, "Preeto and I are going to get a divorce".
Santa was stunned. "Why? What happened, you two seem so happy together"
"Well" he said, "ever since we got married, Preeto has tried to change me. She got me to stop drinking, smoking, running around at all hours of the night and more. She taught me how to dress well, enjoy the fine arts, gourmet cooking, classical music and how to invest in the stock market."
"Are you a little bitter because she spent so much time trying to change you." Santa probed.
"Nah, I'm not bitter. Now that I'm so improved, she just isn't good enough for me."