Bitter Jokes / Recent Jokes
"Ever since we got married, my wife has tried to change me. She got me to stop drinking, smoking and running around until all hours of the night. She taught me how to dress well, enjoy the fine arts, gourmet cooking, classical music, even how to invest in the stock market." "Sounds like you may be bitter because she changed you so drastically," remarked his friend. "I'm not bitter. Now that I'm so improved, she just isn't good enough for me."
Bitter after being snubbed for membership in the "Axis of Evil," Libya, China, and Syria today announced they had formed the "Axis of Just as Evil, "which they said would be way eviler than that stupid Iran-Iraq-North Korea axis President Bush warned of in his State of the Union address.Axis of Evil members, however, immediately dismissed the new axis as having, for starters, a really dumb name. "Right. They are Just as Evil... in their dreams!", declared North Korean leader Kim Jong-il. "Everybody knows we're the best evils... best at being evil... we're the best."Diplomats from Syria denied they were jealous over being excluded, although they conceded they did ask if they could join the Axis of Evil. "They told us it was full," said Syrian President Bashar al-Assad."An Axis can't have more than three countries," explained Iraqi President Saddam Hussein. "This is not my rule, it's tradition. In World War II you had more...
"Ever since we got married, my wife has tried to change me. She got me to stop drinking, smoking and running around until all hours of the night. She taught me how to dress well, enjoy the fine arts, gourmet cooking, classical music, even how to invest in the stock market," said the man." Sounds like you may be bitter because she changed you so drastically,"remarked his friend." I'm not bitter. Now that I'm so improved, she just isn't good enoughfor me."
Little Johnny's teacher asked him, "Johnny, give me a sentence using the words, "bitter end" in it.Little Johnny thought for a moment and replies, "Our dog chased our cat and he bitter end."
Santa and Banta Singh were bitter enemies. Santa lived on the 1st and Banta on the 7th floor of the same building. One day the lift was out of order and Banta Singh decided to play a trick on Santa and called him for dinner to his house at 7: 30 pm. So Santa huffing and puffing manages to reach the 7th floor. To his dismay he finds a big lock on the door and a message -' HA HA ULLU BANA DIA!'
Santa is angry but thinks a lot and finally writes his reply below Banta's message -' MAIN TO YAHANAAYA HI NAHIN THA!!'
I'm Glad I'm A Man I'm glad I'm a man, you better believe. I don't live off of yogurt, diet coke, or cottage cheese I don't bitch to my girlfriends about the size of my breasts I can get where I want to - north, south, east or west I don't get wasted after only 2 beers and when I do drink I don't end up in tears. I won't spend hours deciding what to wear, I spend 5 minutes max fixing my hair and I don't go around checking my reflection in everything shiny from every direction. I don't whine in public and make us leave early and when you ask why get all bitter and surly. I'm glad I'm a man, I'm so glad I could sing I don't have to sit around waiting for that ring. I don't gossip about friends or stab them in the back I don't carry our differences into the sack. I'll never go psycho and threaten to kill you or think every guy out there's trying to steal you. I'm rational, reasonable, and logical too I know what the time is and I know what to do. And I honestly think its a privilege for more...