Blackboard Jokes / Recent Jokes
A priest who was walking through a small town saw a blackboard outside the front
door of a school. It had been washed and put out to dry in the open air. There was a
piece of chalk at the foot of the blackboard. The priest took the chalk and wrote in large letters, “I'm a priest and I pray for you all.”A lawyer happened to pass next and when he saw what the priest had written, he
added under it, “I'm a lawyer and I defend you all.”Then, a doctor came by, took the piece of chalk, and wrote on the blackboard, “I'm a doctor and I cure you all.”Finally, an ordinary citizen stopped, looked at what the others had written, thought for a few seconds and then added, “I am an ordinary citizen and I pay for you all.”
A substitute teacher walks into the classroom on the blackboard she sees a message. It says, "Jimmy Poole, has got the biggest tool, in the whole damn school!"
She yells, "Whose Jimmy Poole?"
This kid in the back stands up and says, "I'm Jimmy Poole."
"Well, Jimmy, your staying after school!"
The very next day when the substitute teacher walks in, she looks up at the blackboard and written on it, it says, "PAYS to ADVERTISE."
Einstein dies and goes to heaven. At the Pearly Gates, Saint Peter tells him, “You look like Einstein, but you have NO idea the lengths that some people will go to sneak into Heaven. Can you prove who you really are? ” Einstein ponders for a few seconds and asks, “Could I have a blackboard and some chalk? ” Saint Peter snaps his fingers and a blackboard and chalk instantly appear. Einstein proceeds to describe with arcane mathematics and symbols his theory of relativity. Saint Peter is suitably impressed. “You really ARE Einstein! ” he says. “Welcome to heaven! ” The next to arrive is Picasso. Once again, Saint Peter asks for credentials. Picasso asks, “Mind if I use that blackboard and chalk? ” Saint Peter says, “Go ahead. ” Picasso erases Einstein's equations and sketches a truly stunning mural with just a few strokes of chalk. Saint Peter claps. “Surely you are the great artist you claim to be! ” he says. “Come on in! ” Then Saint Peter looks up and more...
The first grade class comes in from recess, and Teacher asks Mary, "What did you do at recess?" Mary says, "I played in the sand box." Teacher says, "That`s good. Go to the blackboard, and if you can write `sand` correctly, I`ll give you a fresh-baked cookie." She does, and gets a cookie. Teacher asks Billy what he did at recess. Billy says, "I played with Mary in sand box." Teacher says, "Good. If you write `Box" correctly on blackboard, I`ll give you a fresh baked cookie." Billy does, and gets a cookie. Teacher then asks Bernie Goldberg what he did at recess. He says, "I tried to play with Mary and Billy, but they threw rocks at me." Teacher says, "Threw rocks at you? That sounds like blatant racial discrimination. If you can go the blackboard and write `blatant racial discrimination` I`ll give you a cookie."
George W. Bush, Albert Einstein and Pablo Picasso have all died. Due to a glitch in the mundane/celestial time-space continuum, all three arrive at the Pearly Gates more or less simultaneously, even though their deaths have taken place decades apart.
The first to present himself to Saint Peter is Einstein. Saint Peter questions him. "You look like Einstein, but you have NO idea the lengths certain people will go to, to sneak into Heaven under false pretenses. Can you prove who you really are?" Einstein ponders for a few seconds and asks, "Could I have a blackboard and some chalk?" Saint Peter complies with a snap of his fingers.
The blackboard and chalk instantly appear. Einstein proceeds to describe with arcane mathematics and symbols his special theory of relativity. Saint Peter is suitably impressed. "You really *are* Einstein! Welcome to heaven!"
The next to arrive is Picasso. Once again Saint Peter asks for his more...
Einstein dies and goes to heaven. At the Pearly Gates, Saint Peter tells him,
“You look like Einstein, but you have NO idea the lengths that some people will go to
sneak into Heaven. Can you prove who you really are? ”
Einstein ponders for a few seconds and asks, “Could I have a blackboard and some chalk? ”
Saint Peter snaps his fingers and a blackboard and chalk instantly appear. Einstein proceeds to describe with arcane mathematics and symbols his theory of relativity.
Saint Peter is suitably impressed. “You really ARE Einstein! ” he says. “Welcome
to heaven! ”
The next to arrive is Picasso. Once again, Saint Peter asks for credentials. Picasso asks, “Mind if I use that blackboard and chalk? ”
Saint Peter says, “Go ahead. ” Picasso erases Einstein's equations and sketches a truly stunning mural with just a few
strokes of chalk.
Saint Peter claps. “Surely you are the great artist you claim to be! ” he says. more...
George W. Bush, Albert Einstein and Pablo Picasso have all died. Due to a glitch in the mundane/celestial time-space continuum, all three arrive at the Pearly Gates more or less simultaneously, even though their deaths have taken place decades apart. The first to present himself to Saint Peter is Einstein. Saint Peter questions him. "You look like Einstein, but you have NO idea the lengths certain people will go to, to sneak into Heaven under false pretenses. Can you prove who you really are?" Einstein ponders for a few seconds and asks, "Could I have a blackboard and some chalk?" Saint Peter complies with a snap of his fingers. The blackboard and chalk instantly appear. Einstein proceeds to describe with arcane mathematics and symbols his special theory of relativity. Saint Peter is suitably impressed. "You really *are* Einstein! Welcome to heaven!" The next to arrive is Picasso. Once again Saint Peter asks for his credentials. Picasso doesn`t hesitate. more...