Blame Jokes / Recent Jokes
EggNoggVille (pronounced Egga Nogga Ville)
Christmas in the Florida Keys
Adapted from Jimmy Buffet's Margaritaville by a friend.
Livin' on fruit cake,
watchin' the sun bake,
all of them snowbirds covered with oil.
Strummin' my six string,
on my front porch swing,
singin' Christmas songs from days of old.
CHORUS
Wastin' away in Egga Nogga Ville,
Didn't get a Christmas present at all
Some people claim that Santa Claus is to blame,
but I know, it's nobody's fault.
Put on my flip flops,
drove to a park lot,
threw a tree on my car then I cruised on back home.
Where there's rum in the blender,
with milk and eggs it will render,
that chilly concoction that helps me hang on.
CHORUS
Wastin' away in Egga Nogga Ville,
Didn't get a Christmas present at all
Some people claim that Santa Claus is to blame,
but I know, it's nobody's fault.
Don't know the reason,
I'm more...
We yanks just love to pass the blame. What other country can boast of 3 lawyers for every citizen. We come up with the best reasons to blame others for our own problems. Here's a small list...
If a woman burns her thighs on the hot coffee she's holding in her lap while driving,
she blames the restaurant.
If your teen-age son kills himself or then next door neighbors,
you blame the rock' n' roll music or musician he liked.
If you smoke three packs a day for 40 years and die of lung cancer,
your family blames the tobacco company.
If your daughter gets pregnant by the football captain you blame the school for poor sex education.
If your neighbor crashes into a tree while driving home drunk, you blame the bartender.
If your cousin gets AIDS because the needle he used to shoot up with heroin was dirty,
you blame the government for not providing clean ones.
If your grandchildren are brats more...
Humorous Computer-Related Acronyms
IBM
I Blame Microsoft
Idiots Buy Me
Idiots Building Machines
I`ll Buy Macintoshes
It Bit Me
It Built Microsoft
It`s Better Manually
I`ve Been Mislead
I`ve Been Mugged
WINDOWS
Well, It Never Does Operate With Speed
When I Need Data Output Without Speed
While Idle, Needs DX or WorkStation
Will Install Needless Data On Whole System
WIN
Whoppingly Immense NOP
Worm Infestation Netware
MS-WINDOWS NT / WINDOWS NT
My Solitaire With Its New De-accelerator, Only With Some Network Technology
Well Intended, Netword De-accelerator, Only Works Sometimes, Never Totally
WINDOWS (as a) Network Trojan
Different Operating Systems Expectations
Macintosh: What You See Is What You Get
MS-DOS: You Asked For It, You Got It
UNIX: IfUHv2sk, UDntWnt2Kno
VMS: You Got It, All Of It, Want It Or more...
Ron Artest has said fans should blame him if the Los Angeles Lakers don't repeat as NBA champs. But not from too close, or he'll beat the crap out of them.
The new manager walks into his office and, while settling into his new desk, finds 4 envelopes. On one he finds the words "open me first," and the other three are numbered 1 to 3.He opens the first envelope and finds a letter from his predecessor saying: "These three envelopes will save you a world of trouble. In case of emergency, please open these envelopes in sequential order; envelope one first, envelope two second, and envelope three third."The manager shrugs, puts the envelopes back, and forgets about them.Six months later, the workers go on strike. The company closes, and is losing money fast.After a long night negotiating with the union, he remembers the 3 envelopes. So he opens the first one and it says: "Blame me, your predecessor for every thing". Wonderful idea he thinks, and indeed it works and the crisis comes to its end. His job is saved, and everybody's happy.A few months later, another strike hits. He goes to the drawer and opens the more...
1. When computing, whatever happens, behave as though you meant it to happen.
2. When you get to the point where you really understand your computer, it's probably obsolete.
3. The first place to look for information is in the section of the manual where you least expect to find it.
4. When the going gets tough, upgrade.
5. For every action, there is an equal and opposite malfunction.
6. To err is human. . to blame your computer for your mistakes is even more human, it's downright natural.
7. He who laughs last probably made a back-up.
8. If at first you don't succeed, blame your computer.
9. A complex system that does not work is invariably found to have evolved from a simpler system that worked just fine.
10. The number one cause of computer problems is computer solutions.
11. A computer program will always do what you tell it to do, but rarely what you want to do.
The New Manager Walks Into His Office And, While Settling Into His New Desk, Finds 4 Envelopes. On One He Finds The Words "Open Me First," And The Others Are Numbered One To Three.
He Opens The First Envelope And Finds A Letter From His Predecessor Saying: "These Three Envelopes Will Save You A World Of Trouble. In Case Of Emergency, Please Open These Envelopes In Sequential Order; Envelope One First, Envelope Two Second, And Envelope Three Third."
The Manager Shrugs, Puts The Envelopes Back, And Forgets About Them.
Six Months Later, The Workers Go On Strike. The Company Closes, And Is Losing Money Fast.
After A Long Night Negotiating With The Union, He Remembers The 3 Envelopes. So He Opens The First One And It Says: "Blame Me, Your Predecessor For Every Thing."
Wonderful Idea He Thinks, And Indeed It Works And The Crisis Comes To Its End. His Job Is Saved, And Everybody's Happy.
A Year more...