Blanket Jokes / Recent Jokes

You own two refrigerators, and one is just used for storing Kimchee. She gets upset if you refer to the above as the Kimchee Box. She gets upset if you put anything other than Kimchee in the Kimchee Box. She lacks common sense, or for the politically correct: Faulty Logic. You have more than one type of Kimchee. She assures you that the meat bought in the open market is better, even if it still has the AAFES tag on it. Believes that any product bought in the open market is better, even if it still has the AAFES tag on it. She has 101 uses for Soju. She uses Soju as a cleaning product. She uses Soju for medical purposes. (Disinfectant.) She will go to an American restaurant to eat Korean Food and insists that it tastes better than served in a Korean restaurant. She believes wearing platform shoes is sexy. She wears a mini skirt in the winter, then complains that it is cold. The main ingredient in the food you eat at home is garlic. She eats non-Korean food with Kimchee. She won't eat more...

A man and a woman who have never met before. . . . . . find themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train. After the initial embarrassment and uneasiness, they both go to sleep. The man in the upper berth, and the woman in the lower berth.
In the middle of the night the man leans over, wakes the woman and says, “I’m sorry to bother you, but I’m awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly reach over and get me another blanket? ”
The woman leans out and, with a glint in her eye says, “I have a better idea, just for tonight let’s pretend that we are married. ”
The man happily says, “OK. AWESOME! ”
The woman says “GOOD…..
Get your own *&^%$@! blanket

A blonde, brunette and a redhead run to the top of a burning building. Below, a few firefighters are holding a blanket telling the redhead to jump. When the redhead jumps the firefighters snatch the blanket away and she hits the concrete. When the firefighters ask the brunette to jump she jumps and again they pull the blanket away. When the firefighters ask the blonde to jump she replies, "I don't trust you, so just put the blanket down and back away."

A man is out drinking with his buddies one night and suddenly realizes
he has stayed out too late and is in for trouble when he gets home.
"No problem" says his friend, "Do what I do to my wife. Sneak into the
bedroom crawl up under the blanket between her legs and do a little
oral sex! She'll forget all about being mad and fall right asleep."
So the guy gets home to a dark, quiet house. He creeps in as quietly
as he can and tiptoes into his bedroom. Following his friends advice, he proceeds under the blanket and does the deed to gentle moaning and, finally, soft snoring.
Quite pleased with himself, he heads to the
bathroom to change his clothes, when he is startled by the sight of his wife sitting on the commode. "Shhhhhhh........" she says, "Mother's in
town."

A
blonde, brunette and a redhead run to the top of a burning
building. Below, a few firefighters are holding a blanket
telling the redhead to jump.
When the redhead jumps the firefighters snatch the
blanket away and she hits the concrete.
When the firefighters ask the brunette to jump she
jumps and again they pull the blanket away.
When the firefighters ask the blonde to jump she
replies, "I don't trust you, so just put the
blanket down and back away."

The exhausted clerk had pulled down blanket after blanket from the shelf, but still the woman customer was not satisfied.
"There is one more blanket left," said the clerk. "Do you care to see it?"
"I'm not going to buy one today," said the woman. "I have only been looking for a friend."
"Well," said the clerk,"I'll take the last one down if you think your friend might be in it."
A couple of definitions from the Devil's Dictionary:
PATIENCE, n. A minor form of despair, disguised as a virtue.
MEEKNESS, n. Uncommon patience in planning a revenge that is worth while.

Law of Cat Inertia
A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some outside force - such as the opening of cat food, or a nearby scurrying mouse.

Law of Cat Motion
A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really good reason to change direction.

Law of Cat Magnetism
All blue blazers and black sweaters attract cat hair in direct proportion to the darkness of the fabric.

Law of Cat Thermodynamics
Heat flows from a warmer to a cooler body, except in the case of a cat, in which case all heat flows to the cat.

Law of Cat Stretching
A cat will stretch to a distance proportional to the length of the nap just taken.

Law of Cat Sleeping
All cats must sleep with people whenever possible, in a position as uncomfortable for the people involved, and as comfortable as possible for the cat.

Law of Cat Elongation
A cat can make her body long enough to reach just about more...