Blasted Jokes

Scientists at NASA built a gun specifically to launch dead chickens at the windshields of airplanes, military jets and the space shuttle, all traveling at maximum velocity. The idea is to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of thewindshields.British engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on the windshields of their new high speed trains. Arrangements were made, and a gun was sent to the British engineers. When the gun was fired, the engineers stood shocked as the chicken hurtled out of the barrel, crashed into the shatterproof shield, smashed it to smithereens, blasted through the control console, snapped the pilot's backrest in two and embedded itself in the back wall of the cabin, like a bolt shot from a crossbow. The horrified Brits sent NASA the disastrous results of the experiment, along with the designs for the windshield, andbegged the U.S. scientists for suggestions.NASA responded with a one-line memo: more...

This 85 year old couple, having been married almost 60 years, had died in a car crash. They had been
in good health the last ten years mainly due to her interest in health food, and exercise.
When they reached the pearly gates, St. Peter took them to their mansion which was decked out with
a beautiful kitchen and master bath suite and Jacuzzi. As they "oohed and aahed" the old man asked
Peter how much all this was going to cost.
"It's free," Peter replied, "this is Heaven." Next they went out back to survey the championship
golf course that the home backed up to. They would have golfing privileges everyday and each week the
course changed to a new one representing the great golf courses on earth.
The old man asked, "what are the green fees?".
Peter's reply, "This is heaven, you play for free." Next they went to the club house and saw the
lavish buffet lunch with the cuisines of the more...