Bless Jokes / Recent Jokes
A Priest gets a call from one of his golfing buddies on a Saturday afternoon. "We've got a tee time at 3: 00 and need a fourth... can you make it?" Sadly the priest tells his friend that he has to hear confessions and cannot make it. His friend urges him to get a substitute. Well, being the only priest in this parish, he hasn't many choices. As he ponders his dilemma, he sees the custodian cleaning the church." Hey, Joe... can you help me out??" He explains his dilemma and asks Joe if he would hear confessions for him." Oh, no I wouldn't have any idea what to do!!"." Joe, don't worry... I have this card, you see. When someone confesses their sin, you look on the card... find the sin... and follow it over to the appropriate penance... it's that simple... here comes the first penetant... try it!!"So Joe goes into the confessional and the first penetant comes in and kneels before the screen..."Bless me Father... I have sinned... I have had more...
Dec 25
My dearest darling Edward,
What a wonderful surprise has just greeted me! That sweet partridge, in that lovely little pear-tree; what an enchanting, romantic, poetic present! Bless you, and thank you.
Your deeply loving,
Emily
Dec. 26
Beloved Edward,
The two turtle-doves arrived this morning, and are cooing away in the pear-tree as I write. I'm so touched and grateful!
With undying love, as always,
Emily
Dec. 27
My darling Edward,
You do think of the most original presents! Who ever thought of sending anybody three French hens? Do they really come all the way from France? It's a pity we have no chicken coops, but I expect we'll find some. Anyway, thank-you so much; they're lovely.
Your devoted,
Emily
Dec. 28
Dearest Edward,
What a surprise! Four calling birds arrived this morning. They are very sweet, even if they do call rather loudly - they make telephoning almost impossible - but I expect more...
Boyfriends prayer
Heavenly father, full of grace
Bless my boyfriends sexyface
Bless his hair that sometimes curl
And keep him away from other girls
Bless his hands that are so strong
Make him keep them where they belong
Bless his arms i love to clench
Bless his tongue i love to french
Bless this man i want to marry
Bless his child i want to carry
Bless his legs that are so fast
And don't forget his big fat ass
Bless his dick that is so firm
Bless the thickness of his sperm
Bless the room that is so dark
On my neck, he left his mark
Bless my breast in which he sucked
Bless the bed in which we fucked
And if my mom walka in
Bless his life that will surely end
Amen
By: Ashlow
One day Litttle Johnny was walking down the street.
Suddenly an Old Man came by Little Johnny. As the Old Man walked in front of Little Johnny he farted. Eww what a gross old man, thought Little Johnny. Then the Old Man asked him why don't you say bless you when I fart? "What!" said Little Johnny. "Well where I come from when you fart everyone that heard says bless you." said the Old Man
A priest getting ready to hear confessions duddenly realized that he desparately had to go to the bathroom. He looked outside the confessional and saw the janitor walking by.
He pulled him aside and said: "Look, I really gotta go to the bathroom, but people are lining up for confession. Could you take over for a few minutes?" The janitor began to protest, but the priest said: "Look, its easy. I have the sins and give them penance. No one will know it's you in there" The janitor agreed and took his place in the confessional.
The first parishioner entered the confessional and began "Bless me father, for I have sinned. I have commited adultery." The janitor looked on the chart and found "Adultery - 20 Hail Mary". He mumbled some forgiveness sounding words and told the parishioner to say 20 Hail Marys. The parishioner thanked him and left. The janitor breathed a sign of relief.
The second parishioner entered the confessional and began more...
A father put his three year old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers - which she ended by saying "God bless mommy, God bless daddy, God bless grandma, and good-bye grandpa."
The father said, "Why did you say good-bye grandpa?" The little girl said "I don't know daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do."
The next day grandpa died. Father thought it was a strange coincidence.
A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers, which went like this - "God bless mommy, God bless daddy and good-bye grandma. Next day the grandmother died.
My gosh, thought the father, this kid is in contact with the other side.
Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed the dad heard her say "God bless mommy and good-bye daddy."
He practically went into shock. Couldn't sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to his office. more...