Bless Jokes / Recent Jokes

three men try to get in to africa so they go over and the gaurd goes sorry tou have to be black so they go home and paint themselves
the next day the american goes over yep you can go in says the gaurd the whelshman goes over yep you can go in the scottishman goes over and the wind blows his skirt up the gaurd says bless my heart bless my sole never sin a paki with a white ass hole

This will warm your heart, just when you have lost faith in human kindness....
Dear Safety Harbor Middle School,
God bless you for the beautiful radio I won at your recent senior citizens luncheon. I am 84 years old and live at the Safety Harbor Assisted Home for the Aged. All of my family has passed away. I am all alone now and it's nice to know that someone is thinking of me. God bless you for your kindness to an old forgotten lady. My roommate is 95 and always had her own radio, but before I received one, she would never let me listen to hers, even when she was napping. The other day her radio fell off the night stand and broke into a lot of pieces. It was awful and she was in tears. She asked if she could listen to mine, and I said kiss my ass. Thank you for that opportunity.
Sincerely,
Edna Walters

There was once a clairvoyant little boy, who could foresee the future. One night while saying his prayers, the little boy was heard to finish, "God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, God bless Grandma, goodbye Grandpa." The next day his grandfather dropped dead of a heart attack.
A few weeks later, the little boy was praying, "God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, goodbye Grandma." The next day his poor grandmother was hit by a bus while crossing the street - she never felt a thing.
A month or so later, the little boy was praying and said, "God bless Mommy, goodbye Daddy."
His father panicked. He had himself driven, very carefully and slowly, to work, by an armed guard in an armored security truck he hired. He couldn't concentrate, however, thinking about those words, "Goodbye Daddy." He finally came home early, but very carefully. He was met at the front door by his wife, who said, "What do you think happened today, dear? The most awful more...

While the Pope was in St. Louis he decided to grant absolution to three sinners. The first person to come up was Richard Nixon.
The Pope asked, "What is your sin?"
"I hired people to break into the Watergate Hotel."
The Pope replied, "Kneel down. I'll bless you and grant you absolution."
Next in line was Bill Clinton. "What was your sin, son?"
"I cheated on my wife." The Philanderer in Chief replied.
"Kneel down, my son. I'll bless you and grant you absolution."
A third person came up and the Pope asked, "What is your name?"
"Monica Lewinsky." The Pope stroked his chin. "Hmmmm..... Perhaps you should remain standing."

A priest was hearing confessions one afternoon when a man entered and confessed: "Bless me, Father for I have sinned. I slept with Pussy Green."
The priest gave him absolution and told him his pennance and the man went away. The next man entered the confessional and said: "Bless me father for I have sinned, I slept with Pussy Green."
The priest thought about this coincidence, dismissed it, and gave the man his absolution and pennance.
However, over the course of the afternoon, 10 men confessed to sleeping with Pussy Green. This was very perplexing to the priest. As he was closing up the church later in the afternoon with the help of an alter boy, the priest noticed a woman walking down the church isle.
This woman was all decked out in green - green hat, green boots, green dress, green hand-bag.
The priest turned and asked to alterboy, "Is that Pussy Green?"
The alterboy looked and replied, "I don't think so, Father, I think it more...

One night, a father overheard his son saying his prayers, "God bless Mommy, Daddy, and Grandma. Bye bye, Grandpa." The father found this strange, and didn't quite know what to make of it, but soon forgot about it. The following day, Grandpa died of a heart attack.
The next night, he heard his son praying again. "God bless Mommy and Daddy. Bye bye, Grandma." This troubled the father but, again, he didn't know what to do about it. The next morning, Grandma was on the floor, dead from a heart attack.
Really worried now, the father decided to wait outside his son's door the next night. Sure enough, the boy began to pray. "God bless, Mommy. Bye bye, Daddy."
The frantic father didn't know what to do. He stayed awake all night and went to the doctor's early in the morning to make sure he was all right. When he finally came home, his wife was waiting for him on the porch.
"Thank goodness you're home," she exclaimed. "We found the more...

Boyle sat in a Belfast confessional. "Bless me, irish father, for I have sinned," he said. "I`ve blown up three hundred miles of English railroad!" "All right, my son," admonished the irish priest. "For penance, do the stations!"