Blessed Jokes / Recent Jokes

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Vatican Rescinds 'Blessed' Status of World's Meek- 'Screw the Meek,' Says Pope
VATICAN CITY-In a historic reversal of its nearly 2,000-year-old pro-meek stance, the Catholic Church announced Tuesday that it is permanently rescinding the traditional "blessed" status of the world's meek.
"Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ once said, 'Blessed are the meek,'" said Pope John Paul II in a papal bull read before the College of Cardinals. "However, there has always been a tacit understanding between the Church and the meek that this 'blessed' status was conditional upon their inheritance of the Earth, an event which seems unlikely to happen anytime in the foreseeable future. Our relationship, therefore, must be terminated."
"Screw the meek," the pope added.
Citing "two millennia of inaction and non-achievement" by the world's impoverished more...

Blessed are the flexible, for they shall not be bent out of shape.

Buried in the Dead Sea Scrolls are some accounts of the Apostles during the Ministry of Jesus. There is, for instance, the story of Judas Iscariot, the disciple who later betrayed Jesus, which betrayal led to His Crucifixion.
It is written there that one day, before undertaking a journey across the desert of Samaria, Jesus summoned His Apostles and asked each of them to bring a stone. Informed before hand of their destination, Judas picked up a small stone so as not to tax him with weight for the journey. As the day wore on and the sun beat upon their heads, Judas smiled, for among all of them, he carried the smallest stone and therefore the least burden.
As darkness fell, Jesus told His disciples to pitch tent and to rest for the evening. He gathered them together and asked them to bring forth their stones. Wherefore, He blessed the stones and turned them into bread to overcome their hunger. Judas, of course, had the smallest bread!
On the occassion, while strolling on more...

Maryann died and went to heaven. St. Peter met her at the gate.
He said: "Maryann, because you have been such a good person on earth, you are granted 3 wishes before you enter the gates of heaven."
Maryann: "Oh, St. Peter, I only have one question I would like to ask the Blessed Mother."
St Peter nodded approval and took her to the Blessed Virgin Mary.
When Maryann got there she said: "Blessed Mother, I was always wondering, what was it like knowing your Son would become God, what would you have liked him to be?
The Blessed Mother answered: "To tell the troothh, I vanted him to be a dokterr!"