Disciples Jokes

And Jesus said unto his disciples, "Whom do men say that I am?"And His disciples answered unto Him, "Master, thou art the supreme eschatological manifestation of omnipotent ecclesiastical authority, the absolute, divine, sacerdotal monarch."And Jesus said, "What?"

Three blondes died and are at the pearly gates of heaven. St. Peter tells them that they can enter the gates if they can answer one simple question.
St. Peter asks the first blonde, "What is Easter?" The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy! It's the holiday in November when everyone gets together, eats turkey, and are thankful..."
"Wrong!" replies St. Peter, and proceeds to ask the second blonde the same question, "What is Easter?" The second blonde replies, "Easter is the holiday in December when we put up a nice tree, exchange presents, and celebrate the birth of Jesus."
St. Peter looks at the second blonde, shakes his head in disgust, tells her she's wrong, and then peers over his glasses at the third blonde and asks, "What is Easter?"
The third blonde smiles confidently and says to St. Peter, "I know what Easter is." "Oh?" says St. Peter, incredulously. "Easter is the Christian more...

Heard from a friend...
Three stupid guys just died and are at the pearly gates of heaven.
St. Peter tells them that they can enter the gates if they can answer
one simple question.
St. Peter asks the first man, "WHAT IS EASTER?"
The man replies, "Oh, that's easy, it's the holiday in November when everybody
gets together, eats turkey, and is thankful..."
"WRONG," replies St. Peter, and proceeds to ask the second man the same
question, "WHAT IS EASTER?"
The second man replies, "No, Easter is the holiday in December when we put up
a nice tree, exchange presents, and celebrate the birth of Jesus."
St. Peter looks at the second man, shakes his head in disgust, looks at the
third man and asks, "WHAT IS EASTER?"
The third man smiles and looks St. Pete in the eye.
"I know what Easter is. Easter is the Christian holiday that coincides with
the Jewish celebration of more...

(This was sent to me through a friend of a friend - you know the story.)
Jesus took his Disciples up the mountain and, gathering them round him, he taught them, saying:
"Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven.
Blessed are the meek.
Blessed are the that mourn.
Blessed are the merciful.
Blessed are they who thirst for justice.
Blessed are all the concerned.
Blessed are you when persecuted.
Blessed are you when you suffer.
Be glad and rejoice for your reward is great in Heaven. Try to remember what I'm telling you!"
Then Simon Peter said: "Will this count?"
And Andrew said: "Will we have a test on it?"
And James said: "When do we have to know it for?"
And Philip said: "How many words?"
And Bartholemew said: "Will I have to stand up in front of the others?"
And John said: "The other disciples didn't have to learn more...

Three blondes died in a car crash trying to jump the Grand Canyon and are at the pearly gates of heaven. St.Peter tells them that they can enter the gates if they can answer one simple question. St. Peter asks the first blonde, "What is Easter?" The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy! It's the holiday in November when everyone gets together, eats turkey, and are thankful..." "Wrong!, You must go to HELL" replies St. Peter, and proceeds to ask the second blonde the same question, "What is Easter?" The second blonde replies, "Easter is the holiday in December when we put up a nice tree, exchange presents, and celebrate the birth of Jesus." St. Peter looks at the second blonde, bangs his head in disgust on the Pearly Gates, tells her she's wrong and to go to HELL, and then peers over his glasses at the third blonde and asks,
"What is Easter?" The third blonde smiles confidently and looks St. Peter in the eyes, "I know more...