Blind Jokes / Recent Jokes

There was a kid who passed a blind kid and the blind kid was crying.He asked what was wrong.And she said your face.Your very ugly!

What is the difference between a blind man and a sailor in prison? One cant see to go, the other cant go to sea.

A man named Mr. Smith was flying from San Francisco to LA. Unexpectedly the plane stopped in Sacramento along the way. The flight attendant explained that there would be a delay, and if the passengers wanted to get off the aircraft, the plane would re-board in 30 minutes. Everybody got off the plane except one gentleman who was blind. Mr. Smith had noticed him as he walked by and could tell the blind man had flown before because his Seeing Eye dog lay quietly underneath the seats in front of him throughout the entire flight. Mr. Smith could also tell he had flown this very flight before because the pilot approached him, and calling him by name, said Keith, were in Sacramento for almost an hour. Would you like to get off and stretch your legs?" Keith replied, "No thanks, but maybe the dog would like to stretch his legs". Now, picture this: All the people in the gate area came to a complete quiet standstill when they looked up and saw the pilot walk off the plane with the more...

A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.
Engineer: What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!
Doctor: I don't know but I've never seen such ineptitude!
Priest: Hey, here comes the greenskeeper. Let's have a word with him.
Priest: Hi George. Say George, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow aren't they?
George: Oh yes. That's a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight hile saving our club house last year. So we let them play here anytime free of charge!
(silence)
Priest: That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.
Doctor: Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them.
Engineer: Why can't these guys play at night?

A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, “Wanna hear a blonde joke? ”
In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, “Before you tell that joke, you should know something. ”
Our bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I’m a 6' tall, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2?, weighs 225, and he’s a rugby player. The fell to your right is 6'5? pushing 300 and he’s a wrestler. Each one of US is blonde. Think about it, Mister. Do you still want to tell that joke? ”
The blind guy says, “Nah, not if I’m going to have to explain it five times.

John is waiting to cross the street when a blind man approaches with his guide-dog. The sign lights to cross and in stead of helping his boss to cross the dog raises his rear leg and pees on the pants of the man. The man reaches in his pocket and gives the dog a cookie. John is amazed and tells the man: "If it were my dog I would have kicked his ass!". The man calmly answers: "I'm going to. But I need to find the head first".

HOW TO SING THE BLUES
(attrib. to Memphis Earlene Gray with help from Uncle Plunky)

1. Most blues begin:' Woke up this morning.'

2.' I got a good woman' is a bad way to begin the
blues, unless you stick something nasty in the
next line.
I got a good woman--
with the meanest dog in town.

3. Blues are simple. After you have the first
line right, repeat it. Then find something that
rhymes. Sort of.
Got a good woman
with the meanest dog in town.
He got teeth like Margaret Thatcher
and he weighs about 500 pounds.

4. The blues are not about limitless choice.

5. Blues cars are Chevies and Cadillacs. Other
acceptable blues transportation is Greyhound
bus or a southbound train. Walkin' plays a
major part in the blues lifestyle. So does
fixin' to die.

6. Teenagers can't sing the blues. Adults sing
the blues. Blues adulthood means old enough more...