Block Jokes / Recent Jokes

Two aliens land in Metro Detriot, and they happen to land next
to a gas station. So, the aliens waddle out of their ship and
look around. The first thing they see that resembles an
intelligent being is the gas pump. The two Aliens approach and
the first one says "Earthling, take me to your leader!"
Of course he gets no response.
The first Alien looks at his buddy then addresses the pump again.
"Earthling, I said TAKE ME TO YOUR LEADER!" Of course, still no
response.... The first Alien then turns to the second and says
"If this Earthling doesn't show me some respect and at least
acknowledge me I'm going to blast him!" At that the second Alien
replies "O. K, I'm just going to stand down on the next block."
The first Alien looks a little puzzled, but waits for the other
to waddle to the next block. He then addresses the pump a third
time. "Earthling take me to your more...

A policeman was walking the beat when suddenly he saw a large black man pummeling a small jewish man as he pinned him to the concrete. The policeman quickly rushed in to break up the scuffle.
He asked the black man what was going on and why he was beating the helpless man.
The black man responded "He called me a black bastard!"
The policeman looked down to the beaten jewish man and asked. "Is it true? Did you call this man a black bastard?"
The jewish man looked at the policeman and said "No! The gentleman asked me where the store was and I told him he was a block past it."

A little girl asked her Mom, "Mom, may I take the dog for a walk around the block?"

Mom replies, "No, because she is in heat."

"What's that mean?" asked the child.

"Go ask your father. I think he's in the garage.

The little girl goes to the garage and says, "Dad, may I take Belle for a walk around the block? I asked Mom, but she said the dog was in heat, and to come to you."

Dad said, "Bring Belle over here."

He took a rag, soaked it with gasoline, and scrubbed the dog's backside with it and said, "Okay, that should take care of that problem. You can go now, but keep Belle on the leash and only go one time around the block."

The little girl left, and returned a few minutes later with no dog on the leash.

Surprised, Dad asked, "Where's Belle?"

The little girl said, "She ran out of gas about halfway around the more...

Late at night, a drunk was on his knees beneath a street-light, evidently looking for something. A passer-by, being a good Samaritan, offered to help. "What is it you have lost?" he asked.
"My watch," replied the drunk. "It fell off when I tripped over the pavement."
The passer-by joined in the search but after a quarter of an hour, there was still no sign of the watch. "Where exactly did you trip?" asked the passer-by.
"About half a block up the street," replied the drunk.
"Then why are you looking for your watch here if you lost it half a block up the street?"
The drunk said: "Because the light's a lot better here."

A little girl asked her Mom, "Mom, may I take the dog for a walk around the block?" Mom says, "No, because the dog is in heat." "What does that mean?" asked the child. "Go ask your father. I think he is in the garage."
The little girl went to the garage and asked "Dad, may I take Susie for a walk around the block? I asked Mom, but she said that Susie was in heat, and to come talk to you."
Dad said, " Bring Susie over here" He took a rag, soaked it with gasoline, and scrubbed the dog's rear-end with it and said, "Okay, you can go now, but keep Susie on the leash and only go one time around the block." The little girl left, and returned a few minutes later with NO DOG on the leash.
Dad asked, "Where is Susie?"
The little girl said, "She will be here in a minute, she ran out of gas about halfway down the block and another dog is pushing her home."

A little girl asked her Mum, “Mum, may I take the dog for a walk around the block?" Mum replies, "No, because she is on heat." What does that mean?" asked the child. Go ask your father. I think he's in the garage."
The little girl goes to the garage and says, "Dad, may I take Belle for a walk around the block? I asked Mum, but she said the dog was on heat and to come to you."

Dad said, "Bring Belle over here." He took a rag, soaked it with petrol, and scrubbed the dog's backside with it to disguise the scent and said "OK, you can go now, but keep Belle on the leash and only go one time round the block."

The little girl left and returned a few minutes later with no dog on the leash. Surprised, Dad asked, "Where's Belle?"
The little girl said..... "She ran out of petrol about halfway down the block so another dog is pushing her home."

A driver tucked this note under the windshield wiper of his automobile. "Ive circled the block for 20 minutes. Im late for an appointment, and if I dont park here Ill lose my job. Forgive us our trespasses." When he came back he found a parking ticket and this note: "Ive circled the block for 20 years, and if I dont give you a ticket, Ill lose my job. Lead us not into temptation."