Block Jokes / Recent Jokes
Dear Sir,
I am writing in response to your request for additional information for block number 3 of the accident reporting form. I put "poor planning" as the cause of my accident. You said in your letter that I should explain more fully and I trust the following detail will be sufficient.
I am an amateur radio operator and on the day of the accident, I was working alone on the top section of my new 80 foot tower. When I had completed my work, I discovered that I had, over the course of several trips up the tower, brought up about 300 pounds of tools and spare hardware. Rather than carry the now un-needed tools and material down by hand, I decided to lower the items down in a small barrel by using a pulley, which fortunately was attached to the gin pole at the top of the tower.
Securing the rope at ground level, I went to the top of the tower and loaded the tools and material into the barrel. Then I went back to the ground and untied the rope, holding it more...
Twas the night before Christmas, an all through the block,
Not a creature was stirring, not even Ed Kotch.
The stockings were hung, by the furnace with care.
In hopes that by morning, they'd all still be there.
Me an this skank, were just getting ready for bed.
I wore pajamas, she had a paper bag for her head.
When up on the roof, I heard a big crash,
I thought it was a burglar, I was gonna kick ass!
I went out on the fire escape, looked up in the sky,
An what did I see, but this freakin' fat guy!
With a red suit and boots, that came up to his knees,
In the moonlight he looked, just like Dom DeLouise.
He had a big sled, being pulled by reindeer.
He called one of them Dancer, so I assumed he was queer.
As he crept off the roof, it became clear to me,
That this guy was lookin, to steal my TV!
Over his shoulder, he had a big sack.
He came down the stairs, while I planned my more...
Two Aliens land in Detroit, next to a Gas station. The Aliens waddle out of their ship and look around. The first thing they see that resembles a being is the Gas pump. The two Aliens approach. The first one says "Earthling take me to your leader!"He gets no response. The first Alien looks at his buddy then addresses the pump again. "Earthling, I said Take me to your leader!"Still no response. The first Alien then turns to the second and says, "If this Earthling doesn't show me some respect I'm going to blast him!"The second Alien replies "O. K. but, I'm just going to stand down on the next block." The first Alien looks a little puzzled, but waits for the other to waddle to the next block. He then addresses pump a third time." Earthling take me to your leader!"No response. The Alien then pulls out his ray-gun and shoots the pump. After the explosion the Alien gets up, dusts himself off then goes down the block to his buddy. He then more...
It was Rockys first night in the penitentiary. All of the inmates were intheir cells and he was trying to become a bit more comfortable with hismeager surroundings. As he leaned against the bars at the front of hiscell, Rocky heard a voice call out "44" and the whole cell block eruptedinto laughter! Another voice called "16" and again there was laughter. Athird voice called "62" which was followed by laughter throughout the block. Rocky didnt know what was going on so he rapped on his cell wall."Yeah, whaddaya want?" came the gruff reply from next door."Whats going on, here?" asked Rocky."Well," said the other inmate, "down in the prison library theres only onejoke book. Weve all read the book so many times that we dont waste timetelling the joke, we just call out its number."So the next day Rocky went down to the library and, sure enough, found r theyellowed, dog-eared joke book and read it from cover to cover. more...
A minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a large city because he was short of time and couldn't find a space with a meter. So he put a note under the windshield wiper that read: "I have circled the block 10 times. If I don't park here, I'll miss my appointment. FORGIVE US OUR TRESPASSES."
When he returned, he found a citation from a police officer along with this note: "I've circled this block for 10 years. If I don't give you a ticket, I'll lose my job. LEAD US NOT INTO TEMPTATION."
S.C. Anderson
PO Box 1302
Minnetonka, MN 55345
Superior Health Insurance
ATTN: Claims Review
1423 W. 90th St.
New York, NY 05016
Dear Sir:
This letter is in response to your recent letter requesting a more detailed explanation concerning my recent internment at Methodist Hospital. Specifically, you asked for an expansion in reference to Block 21A.(3) of the claim form (reason for hospital visit). On the original form, I put 'Stupidity'. I realize now that this answer was somewhat vague and so I will attempt to more fully explain the circumstances leading up to my hospitalization.
I had needed to use the restroom and had just finished a quick bite to eat at the local burger joint. I entered the bathroom, took care of my business, and just prior to the moment in which I had planned to raise my trousers, the locked case that prevents theft of the toilet paper in such places came undone and, feeling it striking my knee, unthinkingly, I immediately, and more...
Three violin manufactures have all done business for years on the same block in the small town of Cremona, Italy. After years of a peaceful co-existence, the Amati shop decided to put a sign in the window saying: "We make the best violins in Italy."
The Guarneri shop soon followed suit, and put a sign in their window proclaiming: "We make the best violins in the world."
Finally, the Stradivarius family put a sign out at their shop saying: "We make the best violins on the block."