Block Jokes / Recent Jokes

A driver tucked a note under her windshield wiper and dashed off:

"I've circled the block for 20 minutes. I'm late for an appointment, and if I don't park here I'll lose my job. Forgive us our trespasses."

Returning, she came back only to find a parking ticket and this note:

"I've circled the block for 20 years, and if I don't give you a ticket, I'll lose my job.. . Lead us not into temptation."

What do you call someone who can sit on a block of ice cream and tell you what flavor it is? A smart ass.

Two Aliens land in Detroit, next to a Gas station. The Aliens waddle out of their ship and look around. The first thing they see that resembles a being is the Gas pump. The two Aliens approach.
The first one says "Earthling take me to your leader!"
He gets no response.
The first Alien looks at his buddy then addresses the pump again. "Earthling, I said Take me to your leader!"
Still no response.
The first Alien then turns to the second and says, "If this Earthling doesn't show me some respect I'm going to blast him!"
The second Alien replies "O.K. but, I'm just going to stand down on the next block."
The first Alien looks a little puzzled, but waits for the other to waddle to the next block. He then addresses pump a third time.
"Earthling take me to your leader!"
No response.
The Alien then pulls out his ray-gun and shoots the pump. After the explosion the Alien gets up, dusts himself off then more...

Two Aliens land in Detroit, next to a Gas station. The Aliens waddle out of their ship and look around. The first thing they see that resembles a being is the Gas pump. The two Aliens approach.The first one says "Earthling take me to your leader!"He gets no response.The first Alien looks at his buddy then addresses the pump again. "Earthling, I said Take me to your leader!"Still no response.The first Alien then turns to the second and says, "If this Earthling doesn't show me some respect I'm going to blast him!"The second Alien replies "O.K. but, I'm just going to stand down on the next block."The first Alien looks a little puzzled, but waits for the other to waddle to the next block. He then addresses pump a third time."Earthling take me to your leader!"No response.The Alien then pulls out his ray-gun and shoots the pump. After the explosion the Alien gets up, dusts himself off then goes down the block to his buddy.He then says to the more...

I have a fruitcake which has been in my family for several years. Apparently,
my family saves them for the following year and gives them as a gift to
someone else. That's how the fruitcake that I gave my mother four years ago
finally made its way back into my hands. (Mom gave it to brother, brother
gave it to sister, then sister gave it to me).

Since the fruitcake tradition appears to be unstoppable, this year I've decided
to replace our family's fruitcake with a more durable one which we will cherish
for years.

Items Needed
-------------
4 Oz. Fruit Bits
1 Railroad Tie
Wood Saw
Large Rubber Mallet
Safety Goggles

WEAR YOUR SAFETY GOGGLES.
(Children Get help from an adult!)

Cut a one-foot section from the middle of your railroad tie. The resulting
block of wood should be the size and shape of a loaf of bread.

Then, take some fruit bits and pound them into the more...

A minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a large city because he was short of time and couldn't find a space with a meter. So he put a note under the windshield wiper that read:

"I have circled the block 100 times. If I don't park here, I'll miss my appointment. FORGIVE US OUR TRESPASSES."

When he returned, he found a citation from a police officer along with this note.

"I've circled this block for 10 years. If I don't give you a ticket, I'll lose my job. LEAD US NOT INTO TEMPTATION."

Two Aliens land in Detroit, next to a Gas station. The Aliens waddle out of their ship and looked around. The first thing they see that resembles a being is the Gas pump. The two Aliens approach.
The first one says "Earthling take me to your leader!" He gets no response.
The first Alien looks at his buddy then addresses the pump again. "Earthling, I said Take me to your leader!" Still no response.
The first Alien then turns to the second and says "If this Earthling doesn't show me some respect I'm going to blast him!"
The second Alien replies "O.K. but, I'm just going to stand down on the next block."
The first Alien looks a little puzzled, but waits for the other to waddle to the next block. He then addresses the pump a third time. "Earthling take me to your leader!" No response.
The Alien then pulls out his ray-gun and shoots the pump.
After the explosion the Alien gets up dusts himself off then goes down more...