Blood Jokes / Recent Jokes
The blonde was at the blood bank and sold a pint of blood. As she was leaving counting her $25, a man was leaving counting his money. He had $40. She asked if he had some rare blood type that he got more than she did. He said no, that he had donated sperm. The next day the bimbo was back at the blood bank. The receptionist asked if she was there to donate blood. The blonde could only shake her head, as her cheeks were bulging.
It takes about 20 seconds for a red blood cell to circle the whole body.
It's been proven that people can lessen reactions to allergies by laughing.
Laughing lowers levels of stress hormones and strengthens the immune system.
Six-year-olds laugh an average of 300 times a day.Adults only laugh 15 to 100 times a day.
In the middle ages, people would pin the name of their sweetheart to their sleeve on Valentine's Day and keep it there for a week, hence 'wearing their heart on their sleeve'.
It was during the Victorian era that the formerly nude Cupid was redesigned as wearing a skirt.
The human heart creates enough pressure while pumping to squirt blood 30 feet!!
February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon.
Tomato Ketchup was once used as medicine in the United States. Was sold as "Dr.Miles Compound Extract of Tomato"
When you blush, the lining of your stomach also turns red
Dating back to the 1600's, more...
On a train from London to Manchester, an American was telling off the Englishman sitting across from him in the compartment.
"You English are far too stuffy. You set yourselves apart too much. Look at me... in me, I have Italian blood, French blood, a little Indian blood, and some Swedish blood. What do you say to that?"
The Englishman replied, "Very sporting of your mother."
Case Report:
Unique Case of Aerial Sleigh-Borne Present-Deliverer's Syndrome
Source: North Pole Journal of Medicine, vol 1 no. 1, December 1997
Author: Dr. Iman Elf, M. D.
On January 2, 1997, Mr. C, an obese, white caucasian male, who appeared approximately 65 years old, but who could not accurately state his age, presented to my family practice office with complaints of generalized aches and pains, sore red eyes, depression, and general malaise. The patient's face was erythematic, and he was in mild respiratory distress, although his demeanor was jolly. He attributed these symptoms to being "not as young as I used to be, HO! HO! HO!", but thought he should have them checked out. The patient's occupation is delivering presents once a year, on December 25th, to many people worldwide. He flies in a sleigh pulled by eight reindeer, and gains access to homes via chimneys. He has performed this work for as long as he can remember. Upon examination and more...
a man finding himself unemployed and down to his last $1.00 was searching the want ads for a job. He pointed out to his wife that there was a ad in the paper for blood donations for $25.00 dollars. They decided to spend their last dollar on bus fair to the blood bank. They needed the money if they were going to eat. So the man spends his last dollar on the bus to town. When he arrived at the blood bank the line was a block long. He knew he had to wait so he could collect his money for the donation. while waiting in line he noticed a banner on the bulding across the street. " GRAND OPENING SPERM BANK " Donations $50.00 Dollars! He begain to think, "if i stand here they will stick me with a needle and it will hurt but....if i go across the street i will go into a booth and... besides it was twice the money!!!
So he hurrys across the street and gets in line at the sperm bank. After a few minutes he notices in front of him a woman...he begins to think..."she must more...
A woman went to the doctor's office for a physical. The doctor took a blood sample and told her to return in one week for the results.
One week later, she and her husband returned to the doctor's office. The doctor took the husband aside and told him, "Sir, I'm afraid I have some bad news. We accidentally mixed your wife's blood sample with another patient's, and we have no idea whose is whose. The bad news is one has Alzheimer's disease, and the other has AIDS. I want you to come back in another week and by then I should have it all sorted out."
The man looked scared and said, "That's terrible, doc, what should I do until then?"
"Well, when you're driving home today, drop her off two blocks away from your house. If she makes it home, don't have sex with her!"
One Sunday morning, the minister told the congregation that he was going to say a series of words, and he wanted them to sing the song that came to mind, when he said each word.
The first word he said was "rock"
They immediately started singing "Rock of Ages."
The second word he said was "Blood" and they sang "Power in the Blood."
The third word was "Cross" and they began singing "The Old Rugged Cross."
The fourth word he said was "Sex", everyone gasped and then it got very quiet, then way in the back of the church an 87 yr old lady stood up and started singing "Memories."