Blood Jokes / Recent Jokes

Science definitions from Kids...
H2O is hot water, and CO2 is cold water.
To collect fumes of sulphur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube.
When you smell a oderless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide.
Water is composed of two gins, oxygin and hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water.
Three kinds of blood vessels are: arteries, vanes, and caterpillers.
Blood flows down one leg and up the other.
Respiration is composed of two acts, first inspiration, and then expectoration.
The moon is a planet just like the earth, only it is even deader.
Artificial insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow instead of the bull.
Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire.
A supersaturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold.
Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.
The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.
The skeleton more...

Blood Circulation
A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, he said, "Now, boys, if I stood on my head the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I should turn red in the face."
"Yes, sir," the boys said.
"Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?"
Little Johnny shouted, "'Cause yer feet ain't empty."

There are two bats in a cave and one says to the other "I could do with some blood right now" the other said, "Me too but its almost sunrise". The first one said, "Wait here" he flies off and comes back with a mouth full of blood. The 2nd bat says, "Hey where'd ya get that blood from?" The other replies, "Ya see that tree over there?"
"Yeah"
"Well I didn't"
The 2nd bat looks puzzled and says, "What`s that got to do with blood?"
The first one rolls his eyes and flies off.

A man and a woman met in an elevator. "Where are you headed today?" the man asked. "I'm going down to give blood." "How much do you get paid for giving blood?" "Oh, about $20." "Wow," said the man, "I'm going up to donate sperm, and the sperm bank pays $100." The woman then walked off angrily. The next day, the man and woman met at the elevator once again. "Fancy meeting you again. Where you off to today?" "Sperm bank," she said with her mouth full.

A police officer pulls over this guy who had been weaving in and out of the lanes. He goes up to the guy''s window and says "Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyzer tube."

The man says, "Sorry officer I can''t do that. I am an asthmatic. If I do that I''ll have a really bad asthma attack."

"Okay, fine. I need you to come down to the station to give a blood sample."

"I can''t do that either, i am a hemophiliac. If I do that, I''ll bleed to death."

"Well, then we need a urine sample."

"I''m sorry officer I can''t do that either. I am also a diabetic. If I do that I''ll get really low blood sugar."

"Alright then I need you to come out here and walk this white line."

"I can''t do that, officer."

"Why not?"

"Because I''m too drunk to do that."

The following gems of wisdom were gleaned from test papers and essays from elementary, junior high, high school, and college students. As one teacher noted, "It is truly astonishing what weird stuff our young scholars can create under the pressures of time and grades!""H2O is hot water, and CO2 is cold water." "To collect fumes of sulphur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube." "When you smell an odorless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide." "Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water." "There is no Nitrogen in Ireland because it is not found in a free state." "Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillars." "Blood flows down one leg and up the other." "Respiration is composed of two acts, first inspiration, and then expectoration." The moon is a planet just like the earth, only it is even deader." "Dew is more...

A man and a woman were waiting at the hospital donation center.
Man: "What are you doing here today?"
Woman: "Oh, I'm here to donate some blood. They're going to give me $5 for it."
Man: "Hmm, that's interesting. I'm here to donate sperm, myself. But they pay me $25."
The woman looked thoughtful for a moment and they chatted some more before going their separate ways. Several months later, the same man and woman meet again in the donation center.
Man: "Oh, hi there! Here to donate blood again?"
Woman: [shaking her head with mouth closed] "Unh unh."