Blood Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man and a woman were waiting at the hospital donation center.
Man: "What are you doing here today?"
Woman: "Oh, I'm here to donate some blood. They're going to give me $5 for it."
Man: "Hmm, that's interesting. I'm here to donate sperm, myself. But they pay me $25."
The woman looked thoughtful for a moment and they chatted some more before going their separate ways.
Several months later, the same man and woman meet again in the donation center.
Man: "Oh, hi there! Here to donate blood again?"
Woman: [shaking her head with mouth closed] "Unh unh."

Three men went hunting in a dense forest. As one of them was crossing a fallen log, he tripped, dropped his rifle, and shot himself. The other two ran quickly to their unconscious friend and saw that his chest was covered with blood. Walt turned to Stan and said, "We gotta get Elmer to da hospital quick or he's gonna die."
"How 'er we gonna carry 'em?" Stan asked. "Why Elmer, he weighs a good two hunnert pounds."
"Hell Stan! That ain't nuttin'," assured Walt. "We carry bucks out bigge 'n 'at, all da time. We kin do it da same way." Walt was right.
In no time, they were pulling their 4x4 up to the emergency room door, and doctors, nurses and orderlies rushed Elmer inside. A while later, one of the doctors gave the two worried friends the bad news, "Your friend didn't make it." Walt said, "Yeah, I thought dat gunshot hit 'em in da heart."
"No," said the doctor. "The bullet actually went more...

Q: What would you get if you crossed Halloween with Independence day?
A: The Fourth of Ghoul-ly!
Q: Why were the trick-or-treaters wearing grass skirts?
A: Because it was Hulaween!
Q: Where does a vampire keep his Easter candy?
A: In his Easter casket!
Q: How does a monster begin a fairy tale?
A: "Once upon a slime..."
Q: What's worse than a vampire with a toothache?
A: A skeleton with arthritis!
Q: What happened when the ghost disappeared in the fog?
A: He was mist.
Q: Where's the most dangerous place to go trick-or-treating?
A: On the psycho path!
Q: Did you hear about the really stupid horror movie?
A: It was shudder nonsense!
Q: Did you hear about the Egyptian monster who was a terrible driver?
A: He was a crash mummy!
Q: Did you hear about the starving vampire?
A: He was all gums!
Q: Why is it tough to compete against a vampire?
A: Because they're always out for more...

A man and a woman were waiting at the hospital donation center.Man: "What are you doing here today?"Woman: "Oh, I'm here to donate some blood. They're going to give me $5 for it."Man: "Hmm, that's interesting. I'm here to donate sperm, myself. But they pay me $25."The woman looked thoughtful for a moment and they chatted some more before going their separate ways. Several months later, the same man and woman meet again in the donation center.Man: "Oh, hi there! Here to donate blood again?"Woman: [shaking her head with mouth closed] "Unh unh."

A man and a woman were waiting at the hospital donation center.Man: "What are you doing here today?"Woman: "Oh, I'm here to donate some blood. They're going to give me $5 for it."Man: "Hmm, that's interesting. I'm here to donate sperm, myself. But they pay me $25."The woman looked thoughtful for a moment and they chatted some more before going their separate ways.Several months later, the same man and woman meet again in the donation center.Man: "Oh, hi there! Here to donate blood again?"Woman: [shaking her head with mouth closed] "Unh unh."

My 4 year old son came screaming out of the bathroom to tell me he'd dropped his toothbrush in the toilet.
So I fished it out and threw it in the garbage.
He stood there thinking for a moment, then ran to my bathroom and came out with my toothbrush.
He held it up and said with a charming little smile, "We better throw this one out too then,' cause it fell in the toilet a few days ago.

On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother.
The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents."

A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room.
When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover.
The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, "What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?"

A little girl had just finished her first more...

Science definitions from Kids... H2O is hot water, and CO2 is cold water. To collect fumes of sulphur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube. When you smell a oderless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide. Water is composed of two gins, oxygin and hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water. Three kinds of blood vessels are: arteries, vanes, and caterpillers. Blood flows down one leg and up the other. Respiration is composed of two acts, first inspiration, and then expectoration. The moon is a planet just like the earth, only it is even deader. Artificial insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow instead of the bull. Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire. A supersaturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold. Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas. The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects. The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out more...