Blow Jokes / Recent Jokes

From the mouth of Aussie comedian King Billy Cokebottle

I was travellin in the outback one day wit my friend Morton, when off in the distance we sees a booze bus (police).

Morton thinks this is great and heads straight for it.

We pulls up and Morton winds his window down and says "Two cans of Emu Export thanks mate!"

The copper looks at me and Morton and says "You must be drunk! Get out of the car and blow into this bag for me."

Morton got out of the car and said "Sorry boss, I can't blow in that. I got a letter from the doc saying I'm asthmatic and I'll pass out if I blow in that."

The cop looks at him and with a bemused look and says "OK. In these cases we require you to give a blood sample."

"Nah nah sorry boss. Can't be doin that. I got a letter from the Red Cross saying I'm a Hemophiliac and I could bleed to death. Sorry boss, can't do that" said more...

A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship. The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier. He said to the female whale, "Let's both swim under the ship and blow out of our air holes at the same time and it should cause the ship to turn over and sink." They tried it and sure enough, the ship turned over and quickly sank. Soon however, the whales realized the sailors had jumped overboard and were swimming to the safety of shore. The male was enraged that they were going to get away and told the female "lets swim after them and gobble them up before they reach the shore." At this point, he realized the female was becoming reluctant to follow him. "Look," she said, "I went along with the blow job, but I absolutely refuse to swallow the seamen!"

A red neck couple was having some marital problems. The problem was the old man farted all the time. The old woman said " Honey if you keep on breaking wind like the you are going to blow your guts out"

The old man didn't listen and kept on breaking wind. Well on one thanksgiving morning the old woman was fixing a turkey when she got a hold of an idea. She took the guts out of the turkey and placed them behind her old man while he lay asleep and snuck on back to the kitchen and finished the turkey.

All of a sudden she heard her old man let out a blood curdling scream. She knew why he was screaming so she got a hold of her self and walked to the bed room to check out her old man. When she did she was surprised, because he was standing up against the wall sweating and panting. She asked him" Honey what is all commotion"

He said " Honey you was right, you said that if I keep on breaking wind. I would blow out my guts and this more...

Three little boys were sitting around talking about their fathers. The first boy said, "My dad can blow smoke rings."

The second boy said, "My dad can blow smoke rings out of his nose."

The third boy said, "Well, my dad can blow smoke rings out of his butt."

The first and second boys where amazed. The second boy said, "Have you seen him do it?"

"No," said the third boy, "but I've seen the tobacco stains on his underwear."

A boy takes his girlfriend home after going out together.
When they reach the front door, he leans against the wall with one hand and says, "Sweetie, why don't you give me a blowjob?"
"What? You're crazy!"
"Don't worry, it will be quick, no problem."
"No! Someone may see - a relative, a neighbor..."
"At this time of the night? No one will show up..."
"I've already said No, and NO!"
"Honey, it's just a small blowie...I know you'd like it, too..."
"No! I've said NO!"
"My love... Don't be like that..."
At this moment, the girlfriend's younger sister shows up at the door in her nightgown with her hair totally in disorder. Rubbing her eyes, she says, "Dad says either you have to blow him, I have to blow him, or he will come down and give the guy a blowjob himself, but for God's sake, tell your boyfriend to take his hand off the intercom!"

A blonde tried to blow up her husbands car, but burned her lips on the tailpipe.

Q: Which of the following doesn't belong: wife, meat, eggs, blow job? A: The blow job. You can beat your wife, your eggs, or your meat; but you just can't beat a blow job.