Blue Jokes / Recent Jokes
Some people question the school's responsibility in the Duke Lacrosse case. All I have to say is that they picked a blue devil as their school mascot, and they have a picture, in blue, of Satan, on all of the uniforms.
What if I was the head of a college and picked a comparable mascot? If the soccor team beat up an Israeli kid, everyone would be like, “Oh my God! That’s horri... Well, they are the purple Hitlers.”
Whenever I get a package of plain M Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species.
To this end, I hold M M duels.
Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them cracks and splinters. That is the "loser," and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round.
I have found that, in general, the brown and red M Ms are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that the blue M Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theatre of competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world.
Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength. In this way, the species continues to adapt to its more...
Judi was sitting at the defendant table while the state trooper was being cross-examined on the witness stand. The lawyer asked, “When you stopped Judi, were your red and blue lights flashing?”“Yes, sir, they were.”“Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?”“Yes, sir, she did.”“And,” looking at Judi, "what was it she said?”“She said, ‘What disco am I at?’”
Redneck's Ode to a ValentineKudzu is green. My Dog's name is Blue. And I'm so danged lucky to have a sweet thang like you. Yore hair is like cornsilk, A-flappin' in the breeze. Softer than Blue's And without all them fleas. You move like the bass which excite me in May. You ain't got no scales But I luv you anyway. Yo're as graceful as okry jist a-dancin' in the pan. Yore as fragrant as Mountain Dew Right out of the can. You have all yore teeth For which I am proud. I hold my head high When we's in a crowd. On special occasions, When you shave yore armpits, Well I'm in hawg heaven. I'm plumb out of my wits. And speakin' of wits, You got plenty fer shore.' Cuz you are my woman. I can't ask fer more. Like a good roll of Duct Tape Yo're there for yore man To patch up life's toubles And stick' em in the can. Yo're as strong as a four-wheeler Racin' through the mud. Yet fragile as that singer Named Naomi Judd. Yo're as cute as a Junebug A-buzzin' overhead. You ain't mean like no far ant On more...
Whats blue and doesn't fit any more? - A dead epileptic.
roses are red violates are blue i have aids and now so do you
1. How do you kill a blue elephant? With a blue elephant gun.
2. How do you kill a pink elephant? Twist his nose until he turns blue and then use the blue elephant gun.