Blues Jokes / Recent Jokes
A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "If I show you a really good trick, will you give me a free drink?" The bartender considers it, then agrees. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat. He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano. The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues.
After the man finished his drink, he asked the bartender, "If I show you an even better trick, will you give me free drinks for the rest of the evening?" The bartender agrees, thinking that no trick could possibly be better than the first. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat. He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano. The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues. The man reaches into another pocket and pulls out a small bullfrog, who begins to sing along with the rat's music.
While the man is enjoying his beverages, a stranger confronts him and offers more...
HOW TO SING THE BLUES
(attrib. to Memphis Earlene Gray with help from Uncle Plunky)
1. Most blues begin:' Woke up this morning.'
2.' I got a good woman' is a bad way to begin the
blues, unless you stick something nasty in the
next line.
I got a good woman--
with the meanest dog in town.
3. Blues are simple. After you have the first
line right, repeat it. Then find something that
rhymes. Sort of.
Got a good woman
with the meanest dog in town.
He got teeth like Margaret Thatcher
and he weighs about 500 pounds.
4. The blues are not about limitless choice.
5. Blues cars are Chevies and Cadillacs. Other
acceptable blues transportation is Greyhound
bus or a southbound train. Walkin' plays a
major part in the blues lifestyle. So does
fixin' to die.
6. Teenagers can't sing the blues. Adults sing
the blues. Blues adulthood means old enough more...
Johnny and Kip were playing hockey at Forest Park skating rink. Suddenly a vicious pit bull came up and attacked Kip. Instead of panicking, Johnny sneaked up behind the dog, stuck his hockey stick in the dog's collar, and broke the dog's neck.
A reporter from St. Louis heard about what had happened with the boy and he went to the Johnny's house to him. He asked Johnny how all of this happened, and Johnny told him. Then he asked Johnny if he could write about him, and Johnny said sure. So the reporter pulled out his notepad and started writing, "Blues fan from St. Louis saves friend from vicious dog."
Johnny said, "I'm not a Blues fan."
So the reporter started writing again. "Cardinals fan from St. Louis saves friend from dog."
Johnny said, "I'm not a Cardinals fan either."
The reporter finally asked, "What the hell are you a fan of?"
Johnny said, "I'm a Detroit Redwings fan."
The reporter more...
Well, my terminal's locked up, and I ain't got any Mail, And I can't recall the last time that my program didn't fail I've got stacks in my structs, I've got arrays in my queues, I've got the: Segmentation violation - Core dumped blues.
If you think that it's nice that you get what you C, Then go: illogical statement with your whole family. Because the Supreme Court ain't the only place with: Bus error views. I've got the: Segmentation violation - Core dumped blues.
On a PDP-11, life should be a breeze, But with VAXen in the house even magnetic tapes would freeze. Now you might think that unlike VAXen I'd know who I abuse, I've got the: Segmentation violation - Core dumped blues!
The Information Highway BluesMy baby's got my 486. My cellular phone's on the blink. My fax's gone off to fax heaven, And Pay For View stinks. I got the blues, I got the Information Highway bluuuuues. I got the bluuuuues, I got the Information Highway blues. I lost my account on the Internet. My email's been revoked. My modem's stuck at 300 baud, And my terminal just blinks. I got the blues, I got the Information Highway bluuuuues. I got the bluuuuues, I got the Information Highway blues. My head spins from Virtual Reality. I don't have Video on demand. I can't read my Personal Newspaper, And Shop At Home has kinks. I missed the on-ramp, to the Information Highway bluuuues. I missed the onnnn-ramp, to the Information Highway blues. Jack "Blues" Jung, Toronto, September 1994.