Bmw Jokes / Recent Jokes
A chicken and a horse were playing in a meadow. The horse falls into a mud hole and is sinking. He calls to the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him to safety. The chicken runs to the farmer but the farmer cannot be found. So she drives the farmer's BMW back to the mud hole and ties some rope around the bumper. She then throws the other end of the rope to her friend, the horse, and drives the car forward saving him from sinking. A few days later the chicken and the horse were playing in the meadow again and the chicken fell into the mud hole. The chicken yelled to the horse to go and get some help from the farmer. The horse said,' No, I think I can stand over the hole'. So he stretched his legs over the width of the hole and said,' grab for my' thingy' and pull yourself up'. So the chicken grabbed hold of the horse's "thingy" and pulled herself to safety. The moral of the story: If you're hung like a horse, you don't need a BMW to pick up chicks!
A lawyer opened the door of his BMW, when suddenly a car came along and hit the door, ripping it off completely. When the police arrived at the scene, the lawyer was complaining bitterly about the damage to his precious BMW."Officer, look what theyve done to my Beeeeemer!!!", he whined."You lawyers are so materialistic, you make me sick!!!", retorted the officer. "Youre so worried about your stupid BMW, that you didnt even notice that your left arm was ripped off!""Oh no!", replied the lawyer, finally noticing the bloody left shoulder where his arm once was."Wheres my Rolex???!!!"
On a golf tour in Ireland, Tiger Woods drives his BMW into a petrol station in a remote part of the Irish countryside. The pump attendant, obviously knows nothing about golf, greets him ina typical Irish manner completely unaware of who the golfing pro is." Top of the mornin' to yer, sir" says the attendant. Tiger nods a quick "hello" and bends forward to pick up the nozzle. As he does so, two tees fall out of his shirt pocket onto the ground." What are those?, asks the attendant. "They're called tees" replies Tiger." Well, what on the god's earth are dey for?" inquires the Irishman." They're for resting my balls on when I'm driving", says Tiger." Fookin Jaysus", says the Irishman, "BMW thinks of everything!"
During a drive along a narrow road one day, a lawyer decided to pull over and park at the side of the road. When he opened the door of his BMW, a car sped by, smashing the door and tearing it from the car.
Shortly, a police officer arrived. The lawyer, still upset, shouted, "Officer, look what that idiot did to my BMW. I demand that you track him down and see that justice is done."
The officer quipped back, "You lawyers are so materialistic it makes me sick. You are so angry about your car that you failed to notice that your entire left arm was torn off in the accident."
The lawyer stared down at where his arm once was, horrified. "Oh no," he cried, "My Rolex!"
On a ski lift in Taos, NM: ‘No jumping from the lift. Survivors will be prosecuted. ’
Official sign near door: Door Alarmed. Handprinted sign nearby: Window frightened.
Road sign seen on the island of Cyprus. (translation of the Greek): ‘Caution: Road Slippery from Grapejuice’
A sign advertising a Company wide skiing race: Let’s see who can go downhill the fastest.
Sign in King’s Canyon in California. ‘Slow Parking Ahead’
A billboard seen next to the highway, travelling from Johannesburg International Airport into town. An Ad for BMW showing a photo of a BMW 328i convertible with the roof and all the windows down. The caption reads: ’ Our hardware runs better without WINDOWS!!! ’
Two signs found on top of one another in a country kitchen several years ago: Restrooms to the left. Please wait for the hostess to seat you.
Seen in a health food store. “Shoplifters will be beaten over the head with an organic more...
A lawyer returns to his parked BMW to find the headlightsbroken and considerable damage. There's no sign of theoffending vehicle but he's relieved to see that there's anote stuck under the windshield wiper." Sorry. I just backed into your Beemer. The witnesses who sawthe accident are nodding and smiling at me because they thinkI'm leaving my name, address and other particulars. But I'm not."
A lawyer opened the door of his BMW, when suddenly a car came along and hit the door, ripping it off completely.
When the police arrived at the scene, the lawyer was complaining bitterly about the damage to his precious BMW.
"Officer, look what they've done to my Beeeeemer!!!", he whined.
"You lawyers are so materialistic, you make me sick!!!", retorted the officer. "You're so worried about your stupid BMW, that you didn't even notice that your left arm was ripped off!"
"Oh no!", replied the lawyer, finally noticing the bloody left shoulder where his arm once was.
"Where's my Rolex???!!!"