Bob Jokes / Recent Jokes

Willy's rolling down the hall of a retirement home actinglike he's driving a car, an orderly turns the corner andasks Willy what he's doing. Willy replies, "I'm going to Chicago for the weekend." The orderly chuckles and enters Bob's room to check on him. He catchs Bob pleasuring himself, when asked what he is doing, Bob replies,"I'm screwing Willy's old lady while he's awayin Chicago."

Bob woke up after the annual office Christmas party with apounding headache, cotton-mouthed and utterly unable to recallthe events of the preceding evening. After a trip to thebathroom, he made his way downstairs, where his wife put somecoffee in front of him." Louise," he moaned, "tell me what happened last night. Was itas bad as I think?" "Even worse," she said, her voice oozing scorn. "You made acomplete ass of yourself. You succeeded in antagonizing theentire board of directors and you insulted the president ofthe company, right to his face." "He's an idiot," Bob said. "Piss on him!" "You did," came thereply. "And he fired you." "Well, screw him!" said Bob. "I did. You're back at work onMonday."

Dear Bill:
As a fellow Southern Baptist, I can sympathize with your predicament. Although when I was president I merely lusted in my heart, I have to admit that had I served another term, my lust might have broken free and moved down my body. God bless you in this time of trial.
-- Jimmy Carter Dear Bill:
OK, so I'll never be president, but at least Donna Rice was a babe!
-- Gary Hart My Dear Chap:
This is a bit of a sticky wicket, but if I were you, I should ask that charming Jay Leno fellow to see you through. Pop onto his show, admit that you made an ass of yourself and all will be forgiven.
-- Hugh Grant Bill:
They entrapped me, they framed me, they caught me in a motel with drugs and a prostitute, but I bounced back and so can you! Bitch done set us up!
-- Mayor Marion Berry Dear Bill:
Look at the bright side. At least you weren't caught wearing Monica's thong underwear. By the way, did you catch my sports show? I'm back on TV for the more...

Bob's father and friends were throwing him the best bachelor party ever. There were hookers and strippers, tons of food, and best of all, some great porno flicks.

Feeling the beer, Bob's dad stands up and hollers to get everyone's attention.

"I want to propose a toast to my son! Bob, I'm so glad I could be here with you on the happiest day of your life."

"But, Pop," Bob said, I'm not getting married until tomorrow!"

Bob's dad interrupted and said, "Like I said, I'm so glad I could be here with you on the happiest day of your life."

Sue Ellen passed away so Billy Bob called 911. The operator promised to send someone out immediately and asked him where he lived. "Right at the end of, " Billy Bob replied. "Could you spell that for me please?" the operator asked. After a very lengthy pause Billy Bob said, "How' bout I just drag her on over to Pine Street and y'all can pick her up there?"

Bob received a free ticket to the Super Bowl from his company. Unfortunately, when Bob arrived at the stadium he realized the seat was in the last row in the corner of the stadium. He was closer to the Goodyear Blimp than the field! About halfway through the first quarter, Bob noticed an empty seat 10 rows off the field right on the 50-yard line. He decided to take a chance and made his way through the stadium and around the security guards to the empty seat. As he sat down, he asked the gentleman sitting next to him, "Excuse me, is anyone sitting here?" The man said "No." Very excited to be in such a great seat for the game, Bob said to the man next to him, "This is incredible! Who in their right mind would have a seat like this at the Super Bowl and not use it?!"The man replied, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Super Bowl we haven't been to together since we got more...

Three guys found themselves in Hell: we will call them Carl, Bob, and Brett, they were a little confused at their present situation, and they were startled to see a door in the wall open, and behind the door was perhaps the ugliest woman they had ever seen. She was 34", dirty, and you could smell her even over the Brimstone. The voice of the Devil was heard, "Brett, you have sinned! You are condemned to spend the rest of eternity in bed with this woman!" And Brett was whisked through the door by a group of lesser demons to his torment. This understandably shook up the other two, and so they both jumped when a second door opened, and they saw an even more disgusting example of womanhood gone wrong. She was over 7 tall, monstrous, covered in thick black hair, and flies circled her. The voice of the Devil was heard, "Carl, you have sinned! You are condemned to spend the re st of eternity in bed with this woman!" And Carl, like Brett, was whisked off. Bob, now more...