Bookends Jokes / Recent Jokes

*** Pre-Mammogram Exercises! ***Many women are afraid of their first mammogram, but there's no need to worry. By taking a few minutes each day with the following exercises a week before the exam, you will be totally prepared for the test -- and best of all -- you can do these simple practice exercises right in your home. EXERCISE ONE: Open your refrigerator door and insert one breast between the door and the main box. Have one of your strongest friends slam the door shut as hard as possible -- and then lean on the door for good measure. Hold that position for five seconds. Repeat again in case the first time wasn't effective enough. EXERCISE TWO: Go into your garage at 3 a. m. when the temperature of the cement floor is just right. Take off all your clothes and lie comfortably on the floor with one breast wedged under the rear of the car. Ask a friend to slowly back the car up until your breast is sufficiently flattened and chilled. Turn over and repeat for the other breast. EXERCISE more...

The MammogramThis is an x-ray that has its own name because no one wants to actually say the word breast. Mammograms require your breasts to do gymnastics. If you have extremely agile breasts, you should do fine. Most breasts however, pretty much hang around doing nothing in particular so they are woefully unprepared. But you can prepare for a mammogram right at home using these simple exercises: 1. Refrigerate two bookends overnight. Lay one of your breasts (either will do) beetween the two bookends and smash the bookends together as hard as you can. Repeat three times daily. 2. Locate a pasta maker or old wringer washer. Feed the breast into the machine and start cranking. Repeat twice daily. 3. (Advanced) Situate yourself comfortably on your side on the garage floor. Place one of your breasts snugly behind the rear tire of the family van. When you give the signal, hubby will slowly ease the car into reverse. Hold for five seconds. Repeat on the other side.