Born Jokes / Recent Jokes

Late one night, many years ago, a Jewish lady named Mrs. Rosenberg was
stranded at a fashionable resort on Cape Cod - one that did not admit
Jews.
The desk clerk looked down at his book and said, "Sorry, no room. The
hotel is full."
The Jewish lady said, "But your sign says that you have vacancies."
The desk clerk stammered and then said curtly, "You know that we do
not admit Jews. Now if you will try the other side of town..."
Mrs. Rosenberg stiffened noticeably and said, "I'll have you know I
converted to your religion."
The desk clerk said, "Oh, yeah, let me give you a little test. How was
Jesus born?"
Mrs. Rosenberg replied, "He was born to a virgin named Mary in a
little town called Bethlehem."
"Very good," replied the hotel clerk. "Tell me more."
Mrs. Rosenberg replied, "He was born in a manger."
"That's right," said more...

Why do doctors slap babies when they are born? To knock the penises off the smart ones.

1. Man: "So, wanna go back to my place?"
Woman: "Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?"
2. The most memorable rebuttal to a turn down (used by the guy who used to live across the hall from me in residence) when he asked a girl to dance and she refused:
Man: "Want to Dance?"
Woman: "No, thank you."
Man: "Don't thank me, thank God somebody asked you."
3. Man: "I'd like to call you. What's your number?"
Woman: "It's in the phone book."
Man: "But I don't know your name."
Woman: "That's in the phone book too."
4.Man: "So what do you do for a living?"
Woman: "Female impersonator."
5. Q: What sign were you born under?
A: No Parking.
6. After hearing a pick-up line:
Woman: "I like your approach, now let's see your departure."
7. A girlfriend of mine once had a graying man in his 60's approach her more...

Q. Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again? A. When the kids are in college.

1. Man: "So, wanna go back to my place?" Woman: "Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?"
2. The most memorable rebuttal to a turn down (used by the guy who used to live across the hall from me in residence) when he asked a girl to dance and she refused:
Man: "Want to Dance?" Woman: "No, thank you." Man: "Don't thank me, thank God somebody asked you."
3. Man: "I'd like to call you. What's your number?" Woman: "It's in the phone book." Man: "But I don't know your name." Woman: "That's in the phone book too."
4.Man: "So what do you do for a living?" Woman: "Female impersonator."
5. Q: What sign were you born under?
A: No Parking.
6. After hearing a pick-up line: Woman: "I like your approach, now let's see your departure."
7. A girlfriend of mine once had a graying man in his 60's approach her in a club while she was in more...

1. Man: "So, wanna go back to my place?" Woman: "Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?"2. The most memorable rebuttal to a turn down (used by the guy who used to live across the hall from me in residence) when he asked a girl to dance and she refused:Man: "Want to Dance?" Woman: "No, thank you." Man: "Don't thank me, thank God somebody asked you."3. Man: "I'd like to call you. What's your number?" Woman: "It's in the phone book." Man: "But I don't know your name." Woman: "That's in the phone book too."4.Man: "So what do you do for a living?" Woman: "Female impersonator."5. Q: What sign were you born under? A: No Parking.6. After hearing a pick-up line: Woman: "I like your approach, now let's see your departure."7. A girlfriend of mine once had a graying man in his 60's approach her in a club while she was in college with the line, "Where have you more...

Uses thumbtacks to post notes -- on his refrigerator. Uses two hands to eat with chopsticks. Using a 1S-2D floppy for brains in a world of hard disks. Vacancy on the top floor. Vacuuming linoleum using a deep-pile setting. Vertically-fornicated mind. Views mold as a higher life form. Warranty expired. Was born an acrobat but landed on his head. Was born when the planets were misaligned. Was first in line for brains, but ended up holding the door open. Was left on the Tilt-A-Whirl a bit too long as a baby. Was napping in the nut pile the day God was cracking nuts. Wasn't abused as a child, but should have been. Wasn't strapped in during launch. Watches "Beavis and Butthead" to learn vocabulary. Watching programs not listed in TV Guide. We're all missing cards from our decks -- and different cards, too. Went in for repairs but wasn't tightened with a torque wrench. Went to the dentist to have his cranial cavity filled. When he was compiled they forgot to #include [smarts. more...