Born Jokes / Recent Jokes

This wonderful example of international humor was posted on the listserv list INDIA-D:
By the way, for we people (from India) who were born and brought up in the wrong side of the world, doing things in the wrong way has become a way of life.
For example,
In India we drive on the wrong side of the road. Even the cars we produce or drive have steering wheels on the wrong side.
We pronounce 'Z' as "Jed" instead of "Zee".
We meekly accepted MKS (Meter, Kilogram, Second) system like the rest of the world while America proudly stuck to the FPS system.
We use Lakhs & Crores while they use millions & billions.
We dumbly use Celsius while they use Fahrenheit (Cool!).
We play football only using foot. (How restricting! We lack imagination...)
In restaurants we ask for a bill and pay it with a cheque unlike here where they ask for check and pay it with a bill (Dollar bill).
I never realised '#' was the right symbol for pound instead of more...

One tourist from u. s. a. Asked to sardar: any great man born in this village?

Sardar: no sir, only small babies!!!

Many years agao, a Jewish lady named Mrs. Rosenberg was stranded late one night at a fashionable resort on Cape Cod -one that did not admit Jews.
The desk clerk looked down at his book and said, "Sorry, no room. The hotel is full."
The Jewish lady said, "But your sign says that you have vacancies." The desk clerk stammered and then said curtly, "You know that we do not admit Jews. Now if you will try the other side of town..."
Mrs. Rosenberg stiffened noticeably and said, "I'll have you know, I converted to your religion."
The desk clerk said, "Oh, yeah, let me give you a little test.
How was Jesus born?"
Mrs. Rosenberg replied, "He was born to a virgin named Mary in a little town called Bethlehem."
"Very good," replied the hotel clerk. "Tell me more."
Mrs. Rosenberg replied, "He was born in a manger."
"That's right," said the hotel clerk. "And more...

More examples of creativity provided by a 6th grade class during history tests:

1. The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. He was born in the 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never made much money and is famous only because of his plays. He wrote tragedies, comedies, and hysterectomies, all in Islamic
pentameter. Romeo and Juliet are an example of a heroic couple. 2. Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes. He wrote Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote Paradise Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained. 3. Delegates from the original 13 states formed the Contented Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a virgin, and Benjamin Franklin
were to 2 singers of the Declaration of Independence. Franklin discovered electricity by rubbing two cats backward and
declared, "a horse divided against itself can not stand." Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead. 4. Abraham Lincoln was more...

Many years agao, a Jewish lady named Mrs. Rosenberg was stranded late one night at a fashionable resort on Cape Cod -one that did not admit Jews.The desk clerk looked down at his book and said, "Sorry, no room. The hotel is full."The Jewish lady said, "But your sign says that you have vacancies." The desk clerk stammered and then said curtly, "You know that we do not admit Jews. Now if you will try the other side of town..."Mrs. Rosenberg stiffened noticeably and said, "I'll have you know, I converted to your religion."The desk clerk said, "Oh, yeah, let me give you a little test.How was Jesus born?"Mrs. Rosenberg replied, "He was born to a virgin named Mary in a little town called Bethlehem.""Very good," replied the hotel clerk. "Tell me more."Mrs. Rosenberg replied, "He was born in a manger.""That's right," said the hotel clerk. "And why was he born in a manger?"Mrs. more...

TO ALL THE KIDS WHO WERE BORN IN THE
1930's 40's, 50's, 60's and 70's! !
First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they carried us.
They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can, and didn't get tested for Diabetes.

Then after that trauma, our baby cribs were covered with bright colored lead-based paints.
We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets, not to mention, the risks we took hitchhiking.
As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags.
Riding in the back of a pick up on a warm day was always a special treat.
We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle.
We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and NO ONE actually died from this.
We ate cupcakes, white bread and real butter and drank soda pop with sugar in it, but we weren't overweight because
WE WERE ALWAYS more...

If you were born between 1940 and 1950, this is for you!. ... If not, pass it on to someone who was.: )) We were born before television, penicillin, polio shots, frozen foods, xerox, contact lenses, frisbees and the PILL. We were born before radar, credit cards, split atoms, laser beams and ball-point pens. .. before pantyhose, dishwashers, clothes dryers, electricblankets, air-conditioners, drip-dry clothes -- and before man walked on themoon. We got married first -- and THEN lived together. How quaint can you be??

In our time, closets were for clothes, not for "coming out" of. Bunnies were small rabbits, and rabbits were not Volkswagons. Designer jeans were scheming girls named Jean or Jeannie. And having a meaningful relationship meant getting along with our cousins. We thought fast food was what we ate during lent, and Outer Space was the back of the Riviera Theatre. We were born before house-husbands, gay rights, computer dating, dual careers and computer more...