Born Jokes / Recent Jokes
A girl walks into the kitchen and asks her mom, mommy, why is my name Voilet?
the mom answers: because the first thing that fell on your head when you were born was a violot.
then the other girl walks into the kitchen and asks: mommy, why is my name Rose?
the mom answers and said, because the first thing that fell on your head when you were born was a Rose.
then the mom heard moaning in the other room, and she said: SHUT UP FRIDGE!
You might be a redneck if, your wife's hairdo was ever ruined by a ceiling fan!
You might be a redneck if, you refuse to slide during a softball game because you don't want to crush your cigarettes!
You might be a redneck if, you're mowing your lawn and find a car.
You might be a redneck If, you were shooting pool when any of your children were born!
You might be a redneck if, you were conceived, born and taught on a pool table.
You might be a redneck if, the interviewer asks, '"Did you know that we are a Fortune 500 Company?'" And you answer, '"What track do y'all sponsor that race at? I ain't been to that one yet."
You might be a redneck If, you've ever been involved in a custody fight over a dog!
You are a redneck if your prom date is your brother, or if you went to the prom in your father's pickup truck!
You might be a Redneck if you use the same tree your dog does!
While entertaining himself in Shanglin Garden, Emperor Wu Di of the Han Dynasty pointed at a tree and asked Dongfang Shuo, "What is that called?" "It's called Goodness." replied Dongfang Shuo carelessly. Wu Di had it written down. Several years later, playing in the garden again, Wu Di saw the tree and turned to Dongfang Shuo to ask its name. "it's named Jusuo (Overlooking all)." said Dongfang Shuo again carelessly. Wu Di's expression changed, "You have been cheating me over the years. How can the same tree have different names?" Dongfang Shuo defended himself with fervor and assurance "A horse is called horse only when it grows up; it is a foal when young; chicken is the name for a chick when it becomes older; and a cow is called a calf when born. So it is with human beings: They are called infants when born and old men when aged. The tree was Goodness several years ago and is now Overlooking-All. All the objects in the universe change. more...
A woman is just about to give birth in the hospital when she says to the doctor, "Doc, do me a favor. Tell me what color the baby is as it`s being born." The doctor is understandably a little puzzled at this. "Why don`t you know what color the child is going to be?" "Well", says the woman, "The problem is that I`m a porno actress and the child was conceived during the making of a film. I have no idea who the father is." "OK", says the doctor, "I`ll do it for you but it is most unusual." The baby begins to be born and the doctor says, "Here comes the head, it seems to have yellow skin and the eyes are slanted. Was one of the actors Chinese?" "Yes, doctor he was.", says the woman. "Wait", says the doctor," The chest and arms are out and they seem to be very dark. Was one of the actors black?" "Yes, doctor he was." "Wait, now the legs are out and they`re brown. Was one of more...
A Jewish lady named Mrs. Rosenberg who many years ago wasstranded late one night at a fashionable resort - one that didnot admit Jews. The desk clerk looked down at his book and said, "Sorry, noroom. The hotel is full." The Jewish lady said, "But yoursign says that you have vacancies." The desk clerkstammered and then said curtly, "You know that we do notadmit Jews. Now if you will try the other side of town..." Mrs. Rosenberg stiffened noticeable and said, "I'll have youknow I converted to your religion." The desk clerk said, "Oh, yeah, let me give you a little test. How was Jesus born?" Mrs. Rosenberg replied, "He was born to a virgin named Maryin a little town called Bethlehem." "Very good," replied the hotel clerk. "Tell me more." Mrs. Rosenberg replied, "He was born in a manger." "That's right," said the hotel clerk. "And why was he born in amanger?" Mrs. Rosenberg said more...
Little Johnny' s next door neighbors had a baby.
Unfortunately, the little baby was born with no ears.
When they arrived home from the hospital, the parents invited Little Johnny's family to come over and see their new baby. Little Johnny's parents were very afraid that their son would have a wise crack to say about the baby so the dad had a long talk with little Johnny before going to the neighbors.
He said "Now, son... that poor baby was born without any ears. I want you to be on your best behavior and not say one word about his ears or I am really going to spank you when we get back home."
"I promise not to mention his ears at all" said Little Johnny.
At the neighbors home, Little Johnny leaned over in the crib and touched the baby's hand He looked at it's mother and said "Oh What a Beautiful little baby". The mother said "Thank you very much, Little Johnny."
He then said, "this more...
I hear you are very kind to animals so please give that face back to the gorilla. I hear you changed your mind! What did you do with the diaper? I hear you were born on a farm. Any more in the litter? I hear you were born on April 2; a day too late! I heard that your brother was an only child. I heard you got a brain transplant and the brain rejected you! I heard you went to have your head examined but the doctors found nothing there. I know you are nobody’s fool but maybe someone will adopt you. I know you’re a self-made man. It’s nice of you to take the blame! I know you’re not as stupid as you look. Nobody could be!