Boss Jokes / Recent Jokes

The boss returned from lunch in a good mood and called the whole staff in to listen to a couple of jokes he had picked up. Everybody, but one girl laughed uproariously."Whats the matter?" grumbled the boss. "Havent you got a sense of humor?""I dont have to laugh," she replied. "Im leaving Friday."

This company hires a new bloke and he's supposed to start work on a Monday, but instead of showing up he calls his boss and says, "I'm sick." His boss tells him not to worry and lets him have the day off. The bloke then shows up at work on Tuesday morning and works throughout the week, greatly impressing everyone with his diligence and ability.
The next Monday he once again calls his boss and says, "I'm sick." The boss reluctantly excuses him again, but takes note that this is the second Monday in a row that he hasn't been in. Once again the man shows up on Tuesday morning and works furiously throughout the week.
The following Monday he calls his boss again and says, "I'm sick." His boss excuses him, but decides to castigate the man on Tuesday. Tuesday comes and as soon as the bloke shows up, his boss calls him into his office. What's happening?" asks the boss. "I can see you're a hard worker, but you've only been here three weeks and more...

"If you're going to work here young man, " said the boss, "the number two thing you must learn is that we are very keen on cleanliness in this firm." "Did you wipe your feet on the mat as you came in?" "Oh, yes, sir." responded the young man. "And another thing the number one thing we are very keen on is truthfulness. There is no mat." said the boss.

The new policy on sexual harassment includes your photo.

The Security guard made a complete inventory of my work area.

Your assistant starts responding to your memos with, "Yeah, whatever."

I got a: It's for you loser" wav receiving e-mail instead of a chime.

My new Pentium was replaced with an 386sx-18 last weekend.

The Human Resources Dept requested an update of my arrest record.

Your boss asks if you still have a copy of your five-year contract.

You notice your co-workers measuring your cubicle when you arrive at work.

Your parking space is moved next to the Dumpster.

Your secretary says things like, "Get the phone, my nails aren't dry."

Your boss asks you to write a desk manual for your job.

The LAN suddenly began backing-up my computer every 10 minutes.

A large paper recycling box is placed next to your file more...

The boss returned from lunch in a good mood and called the whole staff in to listen to a couple of jokes he had picked up. Everybody, but one girl laughed uproariously." What's the matter?" grumbled the boss. "Haven't you got a sense of humor?" "I don't have to laugh," she replied. "I'm leaving Friday."

Rick, fresh out of engineering school, went to a interview for a good paying job.

The company boss asked various questions about him and his education, but then asked him, "What is three times seven?"

"22," Rick replied.

After he left, he double-checked it on his calculator (he KNEW he should have taken it to the interview!) and realized he wouldn't get the job.

About two weeks later, he got a letter that said he was hired for the job!

Not to look a gift horse in the mouth, but he was very curious.

So, the next day, he went in and asked why he got the job, even though he got such a simple question wrong.

The boss shrugged and said, "Well, you were the closest."

Joe decides to take his boss Phil to play 9 holes on their lunch. While both men are playing excellent they are often held up by two women in front of them moving at a very slow pace. Joe offers to talk to the women and see if they can speed it up a bit. He gets about half of the way there stops and jogs back.His boss asks what the problem is. "Well one of those women is my wife and the other my mistress," complained Joe. Phil just shook his head at Joe and started toward the women determined to finish his round of golf. Preparing to ask the ladies to speed up their game, he too stopped short and turned around.Joe asked "what's wrong?" It's a small, small world Joe, and you're fired"