Bottom Jokes / Recent Jokes

Jim and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out. When the hospital director became aware of Edna's heroic act she immediately ordered that Edna be discharged from the hospital because she now considered Edna to be mentally stable. The director went to Edna and said, "I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that you're being discharged because you responded so rationally to a crisis by jumping in the pool to save the life of another patient. Your action displays sound mindedness. The bad news is that Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead." Edna replied, "He didn't hang himself. I put him there to dry. How soon can I go more...

Q: What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A: A nervous wreck.

there was once a lady she was deaf she moved houses she asked her neighbours what shall i call the house they said cherry blossem
she thought they said hairy bottom.she had a son she asked the neighbours what shall i call him they said billy she thought they said willy.then she saidto them i looked through my hairy bottom but i didnt find my willy

Three guys enter a disabled swimming contest.
The first has no arms.
The second no legs.
And the third has no body, just a head.
They all line up, the whistle blows and "splash" they're all in the pool.
The guy with no arms takes the lead instantly but the guy with no legs is closing fast. The head of course sank straight to the bottom.
Ten lengths later and the guy with no legs finishes first. He can still see bubbles coming from the bottom of the pool, so he decides he had better dive down to rescue him.
He picks up the head, swims back up to the surface and places the head at the side of the pool, where-upon the head starts coughing and spluttering.
Eventually the head catches his breath and shouts: "Three years I've spent learning to swim with my freakin' ears, then two minutes before the whistle, some idiot puts a swimming cap on me!"

Three guys enter a disabled swimming contest. The first has no arms. The second no legs and the third has no body, just a head. They all line up, the whistle blows and "splash" they're all in the pool
The guy with no arms takes the lead instantly but the guy with no legs is closing fast. The head of course sank straight to the bottom.
Ten lengths later and the guy with no legs finishes first. He can still see bubbles coming from the bottom of the pool, so he decides he had better dive down to rescue him.
He picks up the head, swims back up to the surface and places the head at the side of the pool, where upon the head starts coughing and sputtering.
Eventually the head catches his breath and shouts: "Three years I've spent learning to swim with my !@#$% ears, then two minutes before the whistle, some idiot puts a swimming cap on me!"

I met this girl, and I knew she was a true blonde because:
* She sent me a fax with a stamp on it!
* She thought a quarterback was a refund.
* She tripped over the cordless phone.
* She put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to makeup her mind.
* She told someone to meet her at the corner of WALK and DON’T WALK
* She took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
* At the bottom of the application where it says “sign here”, she put Sagittarius
* If she spoke her mind, she’d be speechless.
* When she heard that 90% of all crimes were around the home, she moved.
* Did you hear about the blonde that got an AM radio? It took her months to figure out she could use it at night.
* What did the blonde say when she saw the sign in front of the YMCA?
“Look! They spelled MACY’S wrong! ”
* Why did the blonde stare at the frozen orange juice? Because it said “concentrate”
* Why can’t blondes take more...

Three guys enter a disabled swimming contest. The first has no arms. The second no legs and the third has no body, just a head. They all line up, the whistle blows and "splash" they're all in the pool.The guy with no arms takes the lead instantly but the guy with no legs is closing fast. The head of course sank straight to the bottom.Ten lengths later and the guy with no legs finishes first. He can still see bubbles coming from the bottom of the pool, so he decides he had better dive down to rescue him.He picks up the head, swims back up to the surface and places the head at the side of the pool, where-upon the head starts coughing and spluttering.Eventually the head catches his breath and shouts: "Three years I've spent learning to swim with my fucking ears, then two minutes before the whistle, some asshole puts a swimming cap on me!"