Bowels Jokes

Questions and answers selected from tests in Springdale, Arkansas in 2000 to 16 year old students! (Don't laugh too hard - one of these may be the president someday.)
Q: Name the four seasons. A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink. A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.
Q: How is dew formed? A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.
Q: What is a planet? A: A body of earth surrounded by sky.
Q: What causes the tides in the oceans? A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.
Q: In a democratic society, how important are elections? A: Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets a election.
Q: What are steroids? A: more...

Three old men are sitting on the porch of a retirement home. The first says, "Fellas, I got real problems. I'm seventy years old. Every morning at seven o'clock I get up and I try to urinate. All day long I try to urinate. They give me all kinds of medicine but nothing helps." The second old man says, "You think you have problems. I'm eighty years old. Every morning at 8:00 I get up and try to move my bowels. I try all day long. They give me all kinds of stuff but nothing helps." Finally the third old man speaks up, "Fellas: I'm ninety years old. Every morning at 7:00 sharp I urinate. Every morning at 8:00 I move my bowels. Every morning at 9:00 sharp I wake up."

Three old men are sitting on the porch of a retirement home. The first says:
"Fellas, I got real problems. I'm seventy years old. Every morning at seven
o'clock I get up and I try to urinate. All day long I try to urinate. They give
me all kinds of medicine but nothing helps."
The second old man says: "You
think you have problems. I'm eighty years old. Every morning at 8:00
I get up and try to move my bowels. I try all day long. They give me all
kinds of stuff but nothing helps."
Finally the third old man speaks up:
"Fellas: I'm ninety years old. Every morning at 7:00 sharp I urinate.
Every morning at 8:00 I move my bowels. Every morning at 9:00 sharp I
wake up."

Three old men are sitting on the porch of a retirement home. The first says, "Fellas, I got
real problems. I'm seventy years old. Every morning at seven o'clock I get up and I try to
urinate. All Day long I try to urinate. They give me all kinds of medicine but nothing helps."
The second old man says, "You think you have problems. I'm eighty years old. Every
morning at 8: 00 I get up and try to move my bowels. I try all day long. They give me all
kinds of stuff but nothing helps."
Finally the third old man speaks up, "Fellas: I'm ninety years old. Every morning at 7: 00
sharp I urinate. Every morning at 8: 00 I move my bowels. Every morning at 9: 00 sharp I
wake up."

Three old men are sitting on the porch of a retirement home. The first says, "Fellas, I got real problems. Im seventy years old. Every morning at seven oclock I get up and I try to urinate. All day long I try to urinate. They give me all kinds of medicine but nothing helps." The second old man says, "You think you have problems. Im eighty years old. Every morning at 8: 00 I get up and try to move my bowels. I try all day long. They give me all kinds of stuff but nothing helps." Finally the third old man speaks up, "Fellas: Im ninety years old. Every morning at 7: 00 sharp I urinate. Every morning at 8: 00 I move my bowels. Every morning at 9: 00 sharp I wake up."