Box Jokes / Recent Jokes
A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have this killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it started." Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?" The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger." Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him to where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger. "Second, I'd advise you to relax. Let's have a cup of coffee, then put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box."
1. Clear large space on table for wrapping present.
2. Go to wardrobe and collect bag in which present is contained, and close door.
3. Open door and remove cat from wardrobe.
4. Go to cupboard and retrieve rolls of wrapping paper.
5. Go back and remove cat from cupboard.
6. Go to drawer and collect transparent sticky tape, ribbons, scissors, labels, etc.
7. Lay out present and wrapping materials on table, to enable wrapping strategy to be formed.
8. Go back to drawer to get string, remove cat that has been in the drawer since last visit, and collect string.
9. Remove present from bag.
10. Remove cat from bag.
11. Open box to check present, remove cat from box, replace present.
12. Lay out paper to enable cutting to size.
13. Cut the paper to size, trying to keep the cutting line straight.
14. Throw away first sheet because cat tried to chase the scissors and tore the paper.
15. Cut second sheet of paper to size by more...
What is the difference between a wicker basket and a wicker box? A wicker basket is what little red riding hood took to grandma's house. A wicker box is what Elmer Fudd did to little red riding hood.
Life is like a box of chocolates; too big a box with too few chocolates.
An Irish man walks into a church and goes to confess his sins
Bloke "father father i fucked a cat"
Father "a terrible sin this weeks penance is 20 whips around the back"
That night the vicar was thinking how he did it and thought he will give it a go so he picked up his cat turned him round and was just about to start when the cat turned and clawed his bollocks blood was coming out everywhere
Next week the same bloke came in bloke " father father i fucked a cat again"
Father " how did you do it" bloke " i put the cat in a box wrap cotton wool around him and cut a hole at the bottom of the box then i am ready"
The father turned round and said" your penance this week is to fuck the cat without the box"
How To Play "Office BINGO":
(AKA ~ BULLCRAP BINGO!)
Do you keep falling asleep in meetings and training sessions at your office? What about those long and boring conference calls? Here's a way to change all of that:
1. Before (or during) your next meeting, seminar, or conference call, prepare your "Bullcrap Bingo" card by drawing a square -- 5" x 5" is a good size -- and dividing it into columns --five across and five down. That will give you 25 1-inch blocks.
2. Write one of the following words/phrases in each block:
synergy, strategic fit, core competencies, best practices, bottom line, revisit, paradigm, 24/7, out-of-the-loop, benchmark, value-added, proactive, win-win, think outside the box, fast-track, result-driven, empower, knowledge-base, at the end of the day, touch base, active listening, mindset, client-focused, ballpark, game-plan, leverage, technology.
3. Check off the appropriate block more...
A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back in the house. A little later she came out of her house again went to the mail box and again opened it, slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went. As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever. Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, "Is something wrong?" To which she replied, "There certainly is. My stupid computer keeps saying, "You've got mail!"