Box Jokes / Recent Jokes

There was a man who had worked all his life, had saved all of his money, and was a real "miser" when it came to his money.
Just before he died, he said to his wife..."When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the afterlife with me."
And so he got his wife to promise him, with all of her heart, that when he died, she would put all of the money into the casket with him.
Well, he died. He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there - dressed in black, and her friend was sitting next to her. When they finished the ceremony, and just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said, "Wait just a moment!"
She had a small metal box with her; she came over with the box and put it in the casket. Then the undertakers locked the casket down and they rolled it away.
So her friend said, "Girl, I know you were not fool enough to put all that more...

Andy wants a job as a signalman on the railways. He is told to meet the inspector at the signal box. The inspector puts this question to him: "What would you do if you realised that two trains were heading for each other on the same track?"
Andy says, "I would switch the points for one of the trains."
"What if the lever broke?" asked the inspector.
"Then I'd dash down out of the signal box," said Andy, "and I'd use the manual lever over there."
"What if that had been struck by lightning?"
"Then," Andy continues, "I'd run back into the signal box and phone the next signal box."
"What if the phone was engaged?"
"Well in that case," persevered Andy, "I'd rush down out of the box and use the public emergency phone at the level crossing up there."
"What if that was vandalised?"
"Oh well then I'd run into the village and more...

Once upon a time a powerful Emperor of the Rising Sun advertised for a new Chief Samurai. After a year, only three applied for the job: a Japanese, a Chinese and a Jewish Samurai. Demonstrate your skills! commanded the Emperor. The Japanese samurai stepped forward, opened a tiny box and released a fly. He drew his samurai sword and * Swish! * the fly fell to the floor, neatly divided in two! What a feat! said the Emperor. Number Two Samurai, show me what you can do. The Chinese samurai smiled confidently, stepped forward and opened a tiny box, releasing a fly. He drew his samurai sword and * Swish! * Swish! * The fly fell to the floor neatly quartered! That is skill! nodded the Emperor. How are you going to top that, Number three Samurai? Number Three Samurai stepped forward, opened a tiny box releasing one fly, drew his samurai sword and *Swoooooosh! * flourished his sword so mightily that a gust of wind blew through the room. But the fly was still buzzing around! In disappointment, more...

OK, so a man walks into a bar with a large box, the bar tender goes up to him and asks "whats in the box". The man says "I'll show ya' if you get me a beer." So of course the bar tender gets the man a beer, the man drinks it, and he pulls out a little foot tall man and he pulls out a little piano. The little man starts playing the piano! Next the bar tender asks "hey! thats prety cool, where did ya' get that?" The man says" I'll tell ya' if you get me another beer." So the bar tender gets the man another beer, the man drinks it, and he says "I got it from a geenie and a lamp"The bar tender says "If ya' let me barrow that geenie and that lamp I'll give ya' another beer." The man says "Oh, Okay!"The bar tender gets the man another beer, the man drinks it, and the man gives the bar tender the lamp. The bar tender rubs the lamp and the geenie pops out! The geenie says "Master, I grant you one wish, what is more...

The first grade class comes in from recess, and Teacher asks Mary, "What did you do at recess?" Mary says, "I played in the sand box." Teacher says, "That`s good. Go to the blackboard, and if you can write `sand` correctly, I`ll give you a fresh-baked cookie." She does, and gets a cookie. Teacher asks Billy what he did at recess. Billy says, "I played with Mary in sand box." Teacher says, "Good. If you write `Box" correctly on blackboard, I`ll give you a fresh baked cookie." Billy does, and gets a cookie. Teacher then asks Bernie Goldberg what he did at recess. He says, "I tried to play with Mary and Billy, but they threw rocks at me." Teacher says, "Threw rocks at you? That sounds like blatant racial discrimination. If you can go the blackboard and write `blatant racial discrimination` I`ll give you a cookie."

Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really pissed.

She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE! !"

The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Bob has been missing since Friday.

One morning this blonde calls her friend and says "Please come over and help me. I have this killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to start it."
Her friend asks "What is it a puzzle of?"
The blonde says "From the picture on the box, it's a tiger."
The blonde's friend figures that he's pretty good at puzzles, so he heads over to her place. She lets him in the door and shows him to where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then studies the box. He then turns to her and says: "First, no matter what I do, I'm not going to be able to show you how to assemble these to look like the picture of that tiger."
"Second, I'd advise you to relax, have a cup of coffee, and put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box."