Brain Jokes / Recent Jokes

In the hospital the relatives gathered in the waiting room, where their family member lay gravely ill.Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and somber. I'm afraid I'm the bearer of bad news,' he said as he surveyed the worried faces.' The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain transplant. It's an experimental procedure, semi-risky and you will have to pay for the brain yourselves.'The family members sat silent as they absorbed the news. After a great length of time, someone asked,' Well, how much does a brain cost?'The Doctor quickly responded,' $25,000 for a male brain, and $3,000 for a female brain.'The moment turned awkward. Men in the room tried not to smile, avoiding eye contact with the women, but some actually smirked. A man, unable to control his curiosity, blurted out the question everyone wanted to ask,' Why is the male brain so much more?'The doctor smiled at the childish innocence and said to the entire group,' It's just standard pricing procedure. more...

I bet your brain feels as good as new, seeing that you've never used it.

The patient's family gathered to hear what the specialist had to say.
'Things don't look good. The only chance is a brain transplant. This is an experimental procedure. It might work, but the bad news is that brains are very expensive, and you will have to pay the costs yourselves.'
'Well, how much does a brain cost?' asked the relatives.
'For a male brain, $500,000. For a female brain, $200,000.'
Some of the younger male relatives tried to look shocked, but all the men nodded because they thought they understood. A few actually smirked. But the patient's daughter was unsatisfied and asked,
'Why the difference in price between male brains and female brains?'
'A standard pricing practice,' said the head of the team. 'Women's brains have to be marked down because they have actually been used.'

Here are some important management lessons that many of us have had to learn the hard way...
Lesson Number One
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.
A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"
The crow answered: "Sure, why not."
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Management Lesson: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
Lesson Number Two
A turkey was chatting with a bull.
"I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy.
"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the first branch of more...

I give all of these people a DUH! - DOH! - & Woo-hoo!
HANDS-DOWN WINNER OF THE IDIOT CORPORATION AWARD! AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months saying he lacked intellectual leadership. He received a $26 million severance package. (Let that be a lesson to him!)
WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS! Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them, shouting out to give himself up. (No one ever said you had to be "smart" to be a cop.)
NOW THIS SOUNDS LIKE IT WAS PLANNED OUT WELL...NOT! An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines. The kidnapper then proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank account. (Maybe he should have pretended to have a brain!)
WHEN YOU THINK YOU'RE HAVING A BAD DAY...READ THIS more...

The patient's family gathered to hear what the specialists had to say.
"Things don't look good. The only chance is a brain transplant. This is an experimental procedure. It might work, but the bad news is that brains are very expensive, and you will have to pay the costs yourselves."
"Well, how much does a brain cost?" asked the relatives.
"For a male brain, $500,000. For a female brain, $200,000."
All the men nodded in understanding, and a few actually smirked. Then the patient's daughter asked, "Why the difference in price between male brains and female brains?"
"A standard pricing practice," said the head of the team. "Women's brains have to be marked down because they're used."

Reads Homer in the original Greek, but doesn't know Greek.

Ready to check in at the HaHa Hilton.

Ready to join the Anti-Mensa Society.

Receiver is off the hook.

Relatively three-dimensional, as fictional characters go.

Renewable energy source for hot air balloons.

Reposts this list when someone asks for it, but it's an old copy.

Reset line is glitching.

Result of a first cousin marriage.

Result of God's experiments to see if humans can function without a brain.

Room for rent, unfurnished.

RS232C brain with a DIN connector.

Running at 300 baud.

Running on a 286.

Running open. (Old mechanical teletype term.)