Brain Jokes / Recent Jokes
A man went to a brain store to get some brain to complete a study. He sees a sign remarking on the quality of professional brain offerred at this particular brain store. He begins to question the butcher about the cost of these brains."How much does it cost for engineer brain?""Three dollars an ounce.""How much does it cost for programmer brain?""Four dollars an ounce.""How much for lawyer brain?""$1, 000 an ounce.""Why is lawyer brain so much more?""Do you know how many lawyers we had to kill to get one ounce of brain?"
Five friends lived in a room, Namely MAD, BRAIN, FOOL, NOBODY, SOMEBODY.
One day SOMEBODY killed NOBODY. At that time BRAIN was in bathroom, MAD called police.
MAD: Is it police station? ??
Police: Yes, what is the matter? ??
MAD: SOMEBODY killed NOBODY.
Police: Are you mad?
MAD: Yes, I'm MAD.
Police: Don`t you have BRAIN.
MAD: BRAIN is in bathroom...
Police: you FOOL...
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
MAD: No, FOOL is reading this joke..
Watches "Beavis and Butthead" to learn vocabulary.
Watching programs not listed in TV Guide.
We're all missing cards from our decks -- and different cards, too.
Went in for repairs but wasn't tightened with a torque wrench.
Went to the dentist to have his cranial cavity filled.
When he was compiled they forgot to #include [smarts. h]/[iq. h]/[charm. h].
When they handed out brains he got the short end of the stick.
When they said "drain", he thought they said "brain".
Whole lotta choppin', but no chips a flyin'.
Wise as the world is flat.
With one more neuron he'd have a synapse.
Won't eat eggs because he believes the "This is your brain" ads.
Would make an excellent illustration in a proctology textbook.
Wouldn't make any sense if she ever made sense.
Zero K memory
WASHINGTON, DC
California decriminalized the sale of Caesar salad this week -- and it's not a moment too soon, the Libertarian Party said today.
"When you outlaw Caesar salad, only outlaws will eat Caesar salad," noted the party's Director of Communications, Bill Winter. "That's why, on the issue of Caesar salad, we Libertarians have always been pro-legalization."
Selling Caesar salad became a crime last year when California legislators passed a new health law banning the sale of food that used raw eggs as an ingredient. Unexpectedly, the law included Caesar salad, which uses uncooked eggs in its unique dressing.
Restaurant owners and fans of the popular salad were outraged. The outcry convinced state legislators to file a new bill to cancel the criminal status of Caesar salad -- and, presumably, end what might have become a flourishing black market in contraband romaine lettuce, raw eggs, and Parmesan cheese.
The bill, signed into law by more...
God looked down from heaven and saw a guy rowing a boat down the river singing Row row row your boat gentaly down the stream.
god thought,"What if I take away 30% of the guys brain?"
The guy sang,"Row- Boat- Stream."
Then god took Half the guys brain.
The guy sang Row- Stream."
God laughed and took 90% of the guys brain.
He said,"Ahhhhhhhhh... Stream."
God laughed some more and thought,"What if I take 100% of this guys brain."
The dude started singing,"Be all that you can be!"
A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo, much like the brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. The slowest buffalo are the sick and weak so they die off first, making it possible for the herd to move at a faster pace.
Like the buffalo, the weak, slow brain cells are the ones that are killed off by excessive beer drinking and socializing, making the brain operate faster.
The moral of the story: Drink more beer, it will make you smarter.