Brand Jokes / Recent Jokes
A farmer and his brand new bride were riding home from the chapel in a wagon pulled by a team of horses, when the older horse stumbled.
The farmer said, "That''s once."
A little further along, the poor old horse stumbled again.
The farmer said, "That''s twice."
After a little, while the poor old horse stumbled again. The farmer didn''t say anything, but reached under the seat, pulled out a shotgun and shot the horse.
His brand new bride raised all kind of hell with him, telling him, "That was an awful thing to do."
The farmer said, "That''s once."
This simple five question test will help determine how drunk you really are. Begin by answering each of the five questions below truthfully. Then determine your score based on question answer values provided. Lastly, compare your score to the results for a final answer.
1. Think about your wife. In your mind, is she: (a) the most beautiful woman alive; (b) a beautiful woman; (c) attractive; (d) ugly as sin.
2. Think about your job. In your mind, is it: (a) the best job on the planet; (b) a good job; (c) a decent job; (d) the most annoying job ever.
3. Try walking. What happened? Did you: (a) find it impossible to stand up; (b) fall after standing up; (c) walk fifty feet before falling flat on your face; (d) walk one thousand feet without falling.
4. How did you get to the bar? I got here in: (a) my brand new chauffer-driven limo; (b) a brand new car; (c) a used car; (d) a rented, rusted, and damaged 1950 japanese import.
5. What do you think of your strength? more...
Udurawana bought a new mobile.
He sent a message everyone from his Phone Book & said
"My MobileNo. Has changed.
Earlier it was Nokia 3310 Now it is 6610"
Udurawana: I am a Proud, coz my son is in Medical College.
Friend: Really, what is he studying.
Udurawana: No he is not studying, they r Studying him.
Interviewer: How does an electric motor run?
Udurawana: Dhhuuuurrrrrrrrrr.. ...
Interviewer shouts: Stop it.
Udurawana: Dhhuurrrr dhup dhup dhup...
Udurawana: Doctor, In my dreams, I play football every night.
DR: Take this tablet, you will be ok.
Udurawana: Can I take tomorrow, tonight is final game.
Udurawana: If I die will u remarry?
Wife: No! I'll stay with my sister.
But if I die will u remarry?
Udurawana: No, I'll also stay with your sister
Udurawana: People consider me as a "GOD"
Wife: How do you know??
Udurawana: When I went to the Park more...
...porn star Bridget Kerkove, known in the porn world as the "Anal Queen", has retired from the porn industry and is launching her own brand of cookies...they will be sold under the brand name "Famous Anus Cookies."
There was this guy & he had just bought a brand new Farrari F-50 and hewas taking it for a cruise. He was stopped at a red light and this little boy on amopehead stopped next to him and was at awe over the car. He asked theguy if he could ake a quick look inside and he agreed. Just as he was gettingout of the car the boy asked the man how fast his car could go and he said."oh, around 175-200. Want to see?" Of couse the boy nodded and waitedfor the light to turn green. The man took off at a very high rate of speed. Ashe was traveling down the road he saw a little light catching up with him andthen flew right past him. 'no! it couldnt be the boy on the mopehead could it?"He asked to himself. Then the light came flying back and went way behindhim. The guy then ralized that it indeed WAS the boy on the mopehead. Thenthe light started to catch up with him again. He slowed down a bit to catch upwith the boy to find out exactly how he got the little bike to go that fast and more...
A farmer and his brand new bride were riding home from the chapel in a wagon pulled by a team of horses, when the older horse stumbled. The farmer said, "Thats once."A little further along, the poor old horse stumbled again. The farmer said, "Thats twice."After a little, while the poor old horse stumbled again. The farmer didnt say anything, but reached under the seat, pulled out a shotgun and shot the horse. His brand new bride yelled, telling him, "That was an awful thing to do."The farmer said, "Thats once."
Martin had just received his brand new driver's license.
The family troops out to the driveway, and climbs in the car, where he is going to take them for a ride for the first time. Dad immediately heads for the back seat, directly behind the newly minted driver.
"I'll bet you're back there to get a change of scenery after all those months of sitting in the front passenger seat teaching me how to drive," says the beaming boy to his father.
"Nope," comes dad's reply, "I'm gonna sit here and kick the back of your seat as you drive, just like you've been doing to me all these years."