Bread Jokes / Recent Jokes
During a Papal audience, a business man approached the Pope and made this offer: Change the last line of the Lord's prayer from "give us this day our daily bread" to "give us this day our daily chicken." and KFC will donate 10 million dollars to Catholic charities. The Pope declined. 2 weeks later the man approached the Pope again. This time with a 50 million dollar offer. Again the Pope delcined. A month later the man offers 100 million, this time the Pope accepts. At a meeting of the Cardinals, The Pope announces his decision in the good news/bad news format. The good news is... that we have 100 million dollars for charities. The bad news is that we lost the Wonder Bread account!
Why can't you make bread like my mother? I would if you could make dough like your father!
The bible
The following statements about the Bible were written by children. o In the first book of the Bible, Guinesses, G-d got tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off.
o Lot`s wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.
o Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they ate unleavened bread, which is bread without any ingredients.
o The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert.
o Afterward, Moses went up to Mount Cyanide to find the ten amendments.
o The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.
o The seventh commandment is "Thou shalt not admit adultery."
o The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.
o David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fought with the Finkelsteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times.
o Solomon, one of David`s sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines
Rich boy to dinner lady: This bread's horrible! Why can't you make your own bread like the servants do at home?
Dinner lady: Because we don't have the kind of dough that your father makes!
'Twas the week after Christmas, and all through the house
Nothing would fit me, not even a blouse.
The cookies I'd nibbled, the eggnog I'd taste
At the holiday parties had gone to my waist.
When I got on the scales there arose such a number!
When I walked to the store (less a walk than a lumber).
I'd remember the marvelous meals I'd prepared;
The gravies and sauces and beef nicely rared,
The wine and the rum balls, the bread and the cheese
And the way I'd never said, "No thank you, please."
As I dressed myself in my husband's old shirt
And prepared once again to do battle with dirt-
I said to myself, as I only can
"You can't spend a winter disguised as a man!"
So-away with the last of the sour cream dip,
Get rid of the fruit cake, every cracker and chip
Every last bit of food that I like must be banished
"Till all the additional ounces have vanished.
I won't have a cookie-not even a more...
An Indian is calmly having his breakfast when an American, who is chewing gum, sits down beside him.The Indian ignores the American who begins to chat.
The American asks :'Do you eat the bread entirely?'
The Indian answers,'Of course!'
American: 'We do not .We only eat the inner part.The crust is put in a container and processed and transformed into flour and sold to India.'
The Indian says nothing.
The American continues,'Do you eat this jelly with the bread?'
Indian: 'Of course!'
American: 'We do not. We eat fresh fruits for breakfast and then put the seeds and peels into a container.Later it is processed and transformed to jelly and sold to India.'
The Indian finally asks,'And what do you do with the condoms after using them?'
American: 'We throw them away, of course!'
Indian: 'We do not. We keep them in containers, process them transform them into chewing gum and sell it to the United States.'
Some bloopers of biblical proportions written by Sunday School students of both the Christian and Jewish persuasion:
In the first book of the bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off.
Adam Eve were created from an apple tree.
Noah`s wife was called Joan of Ark.
Noah built the ark, which the animals came on in pears.
Lot`s wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.
The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with unsympathetic Genitals.
Sampson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a jezebel like Delilah.
Sampson slated the Philistines with the axe of apostles.
Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients.
The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert.
Afterward, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get more...