Bread Jokes / Recent Jokes

This recipe has been around for many years in many fashions but in
recent years for some reason has fallen out of favor. Here we
shall return to a true classic dish of alternative fine dining.
The list of ingredients is as follows:
1 reindeer, appx. 125-175 lbs., skinned, dressed (though not in a
tux; ha, ha) and head mounted if you so desire.
6-9 Christmas elves cleaned and finely diced, appx. 8 lbs. useable
weight.
8 lbs. celery, finely chopped.
8 lbs. onions, finely chopped.
8 lbs. carrots, finely diced.
1 gallon vodka (to numb the elves before you peel them and dice
them).
32 lbs. dry bread crumbs.
3 gallons chicken stock.
salt, pepper, to taste.
Fresh garlic, 1-6 lbs. as you desire.
3-4 gallons of olive oil for basting the roasting reindeer.

Preparation:
Saute the onions, carrots, and celery in a large pan, using some
olive oil, until tender.
Brown the diced elves in the more...

A young female clerk, with a penchant for wearing very short skirts, was hired by the owner of a small general store. One day, a young man entered the store and glanced at the loaves of bread behind the counter.
"I'd like some raisin bread, please," he said to the clerk.
She then climbed up a ladder to reach the raisin bread which was located on the uppermost shelf, providing the man standing beneath her with an excellent view.
As she retrieved the bread, a small group of male customers had gathered around the young man, and all were looking in the same direction. Pretty soon, each one of them was asking for raisin bread, just so they could see the clerk climb up and down the ladder.
After several trips, the clerk had become tired and irritated. Stopping and fuming at the top of the ladder, she glared down at the men below and noticed an elderly man standing among them.
"Is yours raisin, too?" she yelled.
"No, but it is starting to more...

This is a collection of actual student bloopers collected by teachers from 8th grade through college. Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert and traveled by Camelot. The climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere. The Bible is full of interesting caricatures. In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis, Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. One of their children, Cain, asked, "Am I my brother's son?" Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments. He died before he ever reached Canada. The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we wouldn't have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a female moth. Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose more...

Satharji is a man who works in a construction company.
Once when they were constructing a building, at lunch time when they all sat together to have their lunch in the fifth floor.

one man siad that he likes bread & if his wife havent given bread he would jump & suicide, when he opened the lunch bx it was not bread he jumped from the building.

then another said that he likes parata & if it is not there he would die, it was not there & he jumped. another said he likes rice & if it is not there he would die, & it wasnt there he jumped.

then Satharji said that he likes pizzas & if it is not there he would die, when he opened the lunch box some sandwitches were there then he jumped from the building.

that evening everybodys wives came & were crying but Satharjis wife didnt cry. then everybody asked her " Why arent you crying?"
"Why should I cry for this stupid man? today i didnt make lunch for him..... he made it by more...

'Twas the month after Chanukah, and all through the house
Nothing would fit me, not even a blouse.
The cookies I'd nibble, the latkas I'd taste
At Chanukah parties had gone to my waist.

When I got on the scales there arose such a number!
When I walked to the store (less a walk than a lumber).
I'd remember the marvelous meals I'd prepared;
The gravies and sauces and beef nicely rared,

The wine or the egg creams, the bread and the cheese
And the way I'd never said, "No thank you, please."
As I dressed myself in my husband's old shirt
And prepared once again to do battle with dirt---

I said to myself, as only I can
"You can't spend the winter disguised as a man!"
So--away with the last of the sour cream dip,
Get rid of all chocolate, each cracker and chip

Every last bit of food that I like must be banished
' Till all the additional ounces have vanished.
I more...

An old man goes to a diner every day for lunch. He always orders the soup du jour. One day the manager asks him how he liked his meal. The old man replies, in a thick acccent, "Wass goot, but you could give a little more bread."
So the next day the manager tells the waitress to give him four slices of bread. "How was your meal, sir?" the manager asks. "Wass goot, but you could give a little more bread," comes the reply.
So the next day the manager tells the waitress to give him eight slices of bread. "How was your meal today, sir?" the manager asks. "Wass goot, but you could give a little more bread," comes the reply.
So... the next day the manager tells the waitress to give him a whole loaf of bread with his soup. "How was your meal, sir?" the manager asks, when he comes to pay. "Wass goot, but you could give just a little more bread," comes the reply once again.
The manager is now obsessed with more...

A man from Tyson Foods is visiting with the Pope. After receiving the papal blessing, he whispers, "Your Eminence, we have a wonderful deal for you. If you will change The Lord's Prayer from 'give us this day our daily bread... ' to 'give us this day our daily chicken... ' we are prepared to donate $300 million to the Church."
"That is not possible," the Pope responds. "The Prayer is the Word of the Lord and it must not be changed."
"Well," the man from Tyson says, "we are prepared to donate $1 billion to the Church if you change the Lord's Prayer from 'give us this day our daily bread... ' to 'give us this day our daily chicken... '"
Again, the Pope responds, "That is not possible. The Prayer is the Word of the Lord and it must not be changed."
Finally, the man from Tyson says, "Your Eminence, this is our final offer. We are prepared to donate $3 billion to the Church if you change the Lord's Prayer from more...