Bread Jokes / Recent Jokes

After watching sales falling off for three straight months at Kentucky Fried Chicken, the Colonel calls up the Pope and asks for a favor.
The Pope says, "What can I do?"
The Colonel says, "I need you to change the daily prayer from, 'Give us this day our daily bread' to 'Give us this day our daily chicken'. If you do it, I'll donate 10 Million Dollars to the Vatican."
The Pope replies, "I am sorry. That is the Lord's prayer and I can not change the words."
So the Colonel hangs up. After another month of dismal sales, the Colonel panics, and calls again.
"Listen your Excellency. I really need your help. I'll give you $50 million dollars if you change the words of the daily prayer from 'Give us this day our daily bread' to 'Give us this day our daily chicken.'"
And the Pope responds, "It is very tempting, Colonel Sanders. The church could do a lot of good with that much money. It would help us support many charities. more...

What kind of bread do pig ladles make in the Yukon? Sow-r dough bread.

This couple are out having a romantice meal for the first time together. Suddenly something from the man's side whips from under the table, steals a bread roll and dissappears back under the table. The guy doesn't blink an eyelid and the woman can't tell whether it really happened. She says nothing.
Well, damn, the same thing happens again. The woman checks the guy out and sure he makes out like nothing happened so she holds it in. A little time passes. The, hell, it happens a third time and the woman can no longer hold it in and she speaks up demanding to know what's going on.
The man explains. "Look, I was in an accident in India.. I lost my. .penis.. the surgeons transplanted a baby elephant's trunk in it's place and, well, I've grown to accept it and hell, It's embarrassing but that's it".
"No, no.." the woman says "that's absolutely incredible. And you mean the trunk keeps stealing the bread rolls like an elephant. WOW. Look that's so more...

Recipe for Banana Bread Ingredients: 2 Laughing Eyes 2 Loving Arms 2 Well Shaped Legs 2 Firm Milk Containers 1 Fur Lined Mixing Bowl 2 Large Nuts 1 Large Banana Method: 1. Look into Loving Eyes. 2. Fold in Loving Arms. 3. Spread Well Shaped Legs. 4. Squeeze and massage Milk Containers gently until Fur Lined Mixing Bowl is well greased. Check frequently with middle finger. 5. Add Banana - work in and out until well creamed. 6. Cover with Nuts and sigh with relief. Cake done when Banana becomes soft. Be sure to wash mixing utensils and don't lick the bowl. N.B. If cake begins to rise leave town immediately.

Two men in their 80's are talking in the park. The first one looks at his watch and says, "I must go now, it's time to meet my wife for sex."
The other man says, "We're in our 80's now -- how do you still manage to get it hard?"
" By eating a lot of Rye bread," comes the reply. "That makes it hard as a rock."
The man has to try it and goes to the bakery. He asks the girl for ten loaves of rye bread. The girl asks if it's for a party and he replies, " No, it's all for me."
The girl says, "All for you, it's going to get hard."
The man replies, "Everybody knows about it but me! !!!"

A Polak, a black guy, and a white guy were driving through the desert when they suddenly ran out of gas. They all decided to start walking to the nearest town (which they had passed 50 miles back) to get some help.A rancher was sitting on his front porch that evening when he saw the white guy top the horizon and walk toward him. The rancher noticed that the white guy was carrying a glass of water, so when he was within hearing distance, the rancher said, "Hi there...what are you doing carring a glass of water through the desert?"The white guy explained his predicament and explained that since he had a long way to go, he might get thirsty, so that's why he was carrying the water.A little while later the rancher noticed the black guy walking toward him with a loaf of bread in his hand. "What are you doing?" asked the rancher again.As before, the black guy explained the situation and said that since he had a long way to go, he might get hungry and that's why he had more...

Exercise of the brain is as important as exercise of the muscles. As we grow older, it's important that we keep mentally alert. The saying: "If you don't use it, you will lose it" also applies to the brain.
Below is a very private way to gauge your loss or non-loss of intelligence. So take the following test presented here and determine if you are losing it or are still a MENSA candidate. OK, relax, clear your
mind and. . . begin.
1. What do you put in a toaster?
The answer is bread. If you said "toast", then give up now and go do something else. Try not to hurt yourself. If you said, "bread", go to question 2.
2. Say "silk" five times. Now spell "silk". What do cows drink?
Answer: Cows drink water. If you said "milk", please do not attempt the next question. Your brain is obviously overstressed and may even overheat. It may be that you need to content yourself with
reading something more more...