Bread Jokes / Recent Jokes
History Of The World According To Actual Grade School Student Exam Papers!1. Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in Hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert and traveled by Camelot. The climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.2. Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red sea, where they made unleavened bread which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments. He died beforehe ever reached Canada.3. Solomon had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines.4. The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we wouldn't have history. The Greeks also had Myths. A Myth is a female moth.5. Actually, Homer was not written by Homer but by another man of that name.6. Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock. After his death his career suffered a dramatic decline.7. Eventually the more...
A motorist was driving down the highway and all of a sudden he hit a sparrow. He pulled over, picked the poor sparrow who was still alive, but unconscious. He decided to take him home.
When the motorist got home, he put the sparrow in a cage, leaving him some bread and water inside. When the sparrow came to, he looked around and said: "Bars, bread, water... Oh my God!! I have killed the motorist!!!"
A woman from Chelm went to the market one day to buy herring and a loaf of bread. "How much is it?" she asked the storekeeper.
"14 cents," answered the storekeeper to the lady."14 cents! For what?" asked the lady.The storekeeper explained: The herring costs 7 cents, and the loaf of bread costs 7 cents also. So together it comes to 14 cents.""I know different. To the best of my recollection, 7 and 7 is 11.""What are your saying?""As far as I know, 7 and 7 is 11...I had already had 4 children when my first husband died. When I married a second time, my second husband also had 4 children from his first wife. After getting married, we had 3 children together. So each of us had 7 children, and together we had 11! Obviously, 7 and 7 is 11."
Bread Is Dangerous
1. More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread users.
2. Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread consuming households score below average on standardized tests.
3. In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in the home, the average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality rates were unacceptably high; many women died in childbirth; and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever, and influenza ravaged whole nations.
4. More than 90 percent of violent crimes are committed within 24 hours of eating bread.
5. Bread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived of bread and given only water to eat, begged for bread after as little as two days.
6. Bread is often a "gateway" food item, leading the user to "harder" items such as butter, jelly, peanut butter, and even cream cheese.
7. Bread has been proven to absorb water. Since the human body is more than 90 percent water, it more...
The first book of the Bible is Guiness, in which Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree.
Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark.
Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day and a ball of fire by night.
The Jews had trouble throughout their history with the unsympathetic Genitals.
Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the apolstles.
Unleavened bread is bread made without ingredients.
Moses went to the top of Mt. Cyanide to get the 10 commandments.
The seventh commandment is "thou shalt not admit adultery"
Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of Geritol.
David fought with the Finkelsteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times.
Solomon had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.
Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.
The people who followed Jesus was called the 12 decibles.
The epistles were the wives of the apostles.
One of the opposums was St. Matthew. Paul preached holy acrimony, which is another more...