Bread Jokes / Recent Jokes
The first book of the Bible is Guiness, in which Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree.Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark.Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day and a ball of fire by night.The Jews had trouble throughout their history with the unsympathetic Genitals.Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the apolstles.Unleavened bread is bread made without ingredients.Moses went to the top of Mt. Cyanide to get the 10 commandments.The seventh commandment is "thou shalt not admit adultery"Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of Geritol.David fought with the Finkelsteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times.Solomon had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.The people who followed Jesus was called the 12 decibles.The epistles were the wives of the apostles.One of the opposums was St. Matthew. Paul preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage.A Christian should have only one wife. This is more...
15> Your meals look just like the pictures on the cover of the
magazine - Aviation Disaster Weekly.
14> Only similarity between your Mexican cuisine and actual
Mexican cuisine is the vomiting and diarrhea.
13> Jack Kevorkian keeps writing to ask for recipes.
12> Your leftovers don't have an expiration date... they have
a half-life.
11> When no one's looking, the dog sneaks your food to his
heartworms after your son sneaks it to him.
10> The EPA has opened a branch office in your breakfast nook.
9> After all this time, it turns out the recipes were calling
for *chicken* eggs.
8> First day in the kitchen, your job was "toast the bread."
Then you were downgraded to "cut the bread." Now it's
simply "stop your bleeding."
7> You still can't figure out what the hell a "tiblisp" is.
6> The Defense Department has requested your rice pilaf recipe
as a repair compound for leaky more...
A Polak, a black guy, and a white guy were driving through the desert when they suddenly ran out of gas. They all decided to start walking to the nearest town (which they had passed 50 miles back) to get some help.
A rancher was sitting on his front porch that evening when he saw the white guy top the horizon and walk toward him. The rancher noticed that the white guy was carrying a glass of water, so when he was within hearing distance, the rancher said, "Hi there...what are you doing carring a glass of water through the desert?"
The white guy explained his predicament and explained that since he had a long way to go, he might get thirsty, so that's why he was carrying the water.
A little while later the rancher noticed the black guy walking toward him with a loaf of bread in his hand. "What are you doing?" asked the rancher again.
As before, the black guy explained the situation and said that since he had a long way to more...
An Irishman, a black guy, and a white guy were driving through the desert when they suddenly ran out of gas. They all decided to start walking to the nearest town (which they had passed 50 miles back) to get some help.
A rancher was sitting on his front porch that evening when he saw the white guy top the horizon and walk toward him. The rancher noticed that the white guy was carrying a glass of water, so when he was within hearing distance, the rancher said, “Hi there…what are you doing carring a glass of water through the desert? ”
The white guy explained his predicament and explained that since he had a long way to go, he might get thirsty, so that’s why he was carrying the water.
A little while later the rancher noticed the black guy walking toward him with a loaf of bread in his hand. “What are you doing? ” asked the rancher again.
As before, the black guy explained the situation and said that since he had a long way to go, he might get hungry and more...
The following statements about the Bible were written by children and have not been retouched or corrected (ie. bad spelling has been left in):
'In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off.'
'Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree.'
'Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark.'
'Noah built an ark, which the animals come on to in pears.'
'Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.'
'The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with the unsympathetic Genitals.'
'Samson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah.'
'Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the Apostles.'
'Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread which is bread without any ingredients.'
'The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the 10 amendments.'
'The more...
The housewife answered a knock on the door and found a total stranger standing on the doorstep. "Excuse me for disturbing you, ma'am," he said politely, "but I pass your house every morning on my way to work, and I've noticed that every day you appear to be hitting your son on the head with a loaf of bread." "That's right." "Every day you hit him on the head with a loaf of bread, and yet this morning you were beating him with a chocolate cake." "Well, today is his birthday."