Break Jokes / Recent Jokes
A lady went skiing and halfway down the hill had to go to the bathroom. No facilities nearby, she decided to find a sheltered area, dropped her pants and proceeded to relieve herself.Suddenly she found herself beginning to slide backwards. Out into the open and down the slope with her pants around her knees. She crashed and broke her leg.The paramedics rushed her to the local hospital. Her doctor walked into her room laughing his head off. He said,"You're not going to believe this, but the guy in the next room claims he fell off the ski lift and broke his leg because he saw a naked lady skiing backwards down the mountain! So, how did you break YOUR leg??"
TO ALL EMPLOYEES
Due to increased competition and a keen desire to remain in business, we find it necessary to institute a new policy:EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY
We are asking that somewhere between starting and quitting time and without infringing too much on the time usually devoted to lunch period, coffee breaks, rest periods, story telling, ticket selling, vacation planning, and the rehashing of yesterdays TV programs, that each employee endeavor to find some time that can be set aside and known as the WORK BREAK.To some, this may seem a radical innovation, but we honestly believe the idea has great possibilities. It can conceivably be an aid to steady employment and it might also be a means of assuring regular pay checks.While the adoption of the Work Break Plan is not compulsory, it is hoped that each employee will find enough time to give the plan a fair trial.The Management
Secret MicroSoft C code - Microsoft marketing strategyone_month_old) { if (there_are_still_bugs) market(bugfix); if (sales_drop_below_certain_point) raise(RUMOURS_ABOUT_A_NEW_BUGLESS_VERSION); } while(everyone_chats_about_new_version) { make_false_promise(it_will_be_multitasking); /* Standard Call, in lie. h */ if (rumours_grow_wilder) make_false_promise(it_will_be_plug_n_play); if (rumours_grow_even_wilder) { market_time=ripe; say("It will be ready in one month); order(programmers, stop_fixing_bugs_in_old_version); order(programmers, start_brainstorm_about_new_version); order(marketingstaff, permission_to_spread_nonsense); vapourware=TRUE; break; } } switch (nasty_questions_of_the_worldpress) { case WHEN_WILL_IT_BE_READY: say("It will be ready in", today+30_days," we're just testing"); break; case WILL_THIS_PLUG_AND_PLAY_THING_WORK: say("Yes it will work"); ask(programmers, why_does_it_not_work); pretend(there_is_no_problem); break; case more...
Question: If a rooster laid an egg on the top of a barn, which way would it roll?
Answer: Neither, roosters don't lay eggs.Question: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Answer: Because the rooster egged her on.Question: Did you hear the one about the egg?
Answer: It's not all it's "cracked" up to be! Question: Why can't you tease egg whites?
Answer: They can't take a yolk.Knock, Knock!
Who's there?
Omelette.
Omelette who?
Omelette smarter than I look! Question: What do you call an egg that goes on safari?
Answer: An eggs-plorer!Question: What do you call a city of 20 million eggs?
Answer: New Yolk City! Question: What happens when you tell an egg a joke?
Answer: It cracks up! Question: What do you get when you put a Tasmanian Devil in a chicken coop?
Answer: Deviled eggs! Question: Why did the chicken lay an egg?
Answer: Because it would break if she dropped it! Question: Where did the chicken go on her more...
A Little Johnny went to sit on Santa's lap, and Santa asked him what he wanted
for Christmas.
Little Johnny answered, "A damn swingset in the backyard."
"Excuse me?" said Santa.
"I want a damn swingset in my backyard," repeated Little Johnny.
Santa said, "You'll have to ask nicer if you want Santa to bring you something.
Let's try again. What else do you want?"
Little Johnny answered, "A damn sandbox for the side yard."
"You have to ask politely! One more time. What else do you want for Christmas?"
Little Johnny thought for a minute, then said, "I want a damn trampoline in
the front yard."
Santa sighed and set Little Johnny off his lap. "I'm sorry son, I can't give
anything to someone who talks like you do. I'm not bringing you anything for
Christmas."
Santa then called Johnny's more...
Two men, one American and an Indian were sitting in a bar drinking shot after shot. The Indian man said to the American,
"You know my parents are forcing me to get married to this so called homely girl from a village whom I haven't even met once. We call this arranged marriage. I don't want to marry a woman whom I don't love... I told them that openly and now I have a hell lot of family problems."
The American said, "Talking about love marriages... I'll tell you my story.
I married a widow whom I deeply loved and dated for 3 years. "After a couple of years, my father fell in love with my step-daughter and so my father became my son-in-law and I became my father's father-in-law.
The American continued,
My daughter is my mother and my wife my grandmother. More problems occurred when I had a son. My son is my father's brother and so he is my uncle. Situations turned worse when my father had a son. Now my father's son i. e. my brother is my more...
This is another joke I heard from a friend many years ago. It is however
a translation from an Iranian joke.
A man goes to a restaurant and orders a chicken dish. By the time the
food is ready and he is about to eat, the waiter comes back and says, "Sir,
I'm afraid there has been a mistake. You see, that police officer who is
sitting at the next table is a regular customer of ours and he usually
orders the same dish. The problem is, this is the last chicken in the
house. I'm afraid I'll have to take this dish to him and arrange for
another dish for you!"
The guy gets really upset and refuses to give up his food. The waiter walks
over to the other table and explains the situation to the officer. A few
minutes later the officer walks over to the man's table and says, "Listen
and listen good. That is MY chicken you are about to eat and I'll warn you,
whatever you do to that chicken I'll do the same to you. You pull out more...