Break Jokes / Recent Jokes
Never say, "Give me a break" to a Black Belt in Karate.
The soldier serving overseas, far from home, was annoyed and upset when his girl wrote to break off their engagement and ask for her photograph back.
He went out and collected from his friends all the unwanted photographs of women that he could find, bundled them all together, and sent them back with the following note:
"I regret that I cannot remember which one is you - please keep your photo and return the others."
Question: If a rooster laid an egg on the top of a barn, which way would it roll?
Answer: Neither, roosters don't lay eggs.
Question: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Answer: Because the rooster egged her on.
Question: Did you hear the one about the egg?
Answer: It's not all it's "cracked" up to be!
Question: Why can't you tease egg whites?
Answer: They can't take a yolk.
Knock, Knock!
Who's there?
Omelette.
Omelette who?
Omelette smarter than I look!
Question: What do you call an egg that goes on safari?
Answer: An eggs-plorer!
Question: What do you call a city of 20 million eggs?
Answer: New Yolk City!
Question: What happens when you tell an egg a joke?
Answer: It cracks up!
Question: What do you get when you put a Tasmanian Devil in a chicken coop?
Answer: Deviled eggs!
Question: Why did the chicken lay an egg?
Answer: Because it would break if she dropped more...
M'wana Ndeti, a member of Zaire's Bantu tribe, used an IBM global uplink network modem yesterday
to crush a nut.
Ndeti, who spent 20 minutes trying to open the nut by hand, easily cracked it open by smashing it
repeatedly with the powerful modem.
"I could not crush the nut by myself," said the 47-year-old Ndeti, who added the savory nut to a
thick, peanut-based soup minutes later. "With IBM's help, I was able to break it." Ndeti discovered
the nut-breaking, 28. 8 V. 34 modem yesterday, when IBM was shooting a commercial in his southwestern
Zaire village. During a break in shooting, which shows African villagers eagerly teleconferencing via
computer with Japanese school children, Ndeti snuck onto the set and took the modem, which he
believed would serve well as a "smashing" utensil.
IBM officials were not surprised the longtime computer giant was able to provide Ndeti with practical
solutions to his more...
If there is music, mix up your dancing: break dance to classical, symphony conductor hand waves to techno music.If you find your former dancing partner dancing with someone else, burst into tears, wailing "I thought you loved me!", and run from the room.Tell a middle-aged wife, "Your husband seems very happy with that girl in the closet..."Tell a middle aged man, "Your wife seems very happy with that boy in the closet..."Whisper to the guest on your right, "What kind of lame moron actually goes to these parties, anyway?"Bring Lego warships and fighter jets. Wage a war in the middle of the room. Urge other guests to get involved. If you are a historical expert, reenact the revolutionary war, the civil war, world war two, etc.Bring a soccer ball, basketball, football, or baseball. Start a game... in the kitchen.Karate chop everywhere and everything. Yell really, really loud. A few sudden kicks would be worthwhile as well.Wear wool or feathers and more...
Speak in a strange foreign accent. when someone asks where you are from, name a country only you can pronounce.
Use a different accent every time you talk to someone new.
When getting food, pile everything onto your plate in heaping servings - make sure to use your hands!
Ask the host, "Who threw this cheesy party, anyway?"
Turn cartwheels across the floor. If you can turn a back flip, all the better!
Bring a novel and curl up in a corner with it.
Cough all over guests, then exclaim, "Doctor says a few more years and I'll be cured..."
Hang your head and whisper one-word answers to questions.
Play a lullaby on a kazoo during a speech (singing a lullaby works okay, too).
If there is music, mix up your dancing: break dance to classical, symphony conductor hand waves to techno music.
If you find your former dancing partner dancing with someone else, burst into tears, wailing, "I thought you loved me!" and run from the more...
It was afternoon in the crowded cafeteria. The elderly matron sitting at the counter was obviously upset at the cigarette smoke of the young woman beside her. Finally the older woman could take it no longer. She turned to the girl and bellowed with a loud voice "Young lady, I would rather commit adultery than smoke!"
"So would I," quipped the girl, "but you know, there just isn't time enough during a coffee break."