Breakfast Jokes / Recent Jokes
"Why do you look so glum today?", the teacher asked young Johnny. "I didn't have no breakfast," Johnny mumbled. "You poor dear," said the teacher. "Now, to return to our geography lesson, Johnny, where is the French border?" "In bed with my mom. That's why I didn't have no breakfast."
Well there was this couple who had been married for 50 years. They were sitting at the breakfast table that morning and the old gentleman said to his wife, "Just think honey, we've been married for 50 years."
"Yeah," she replied, "Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together."
"I know," the old man said. "We were probably sitting here as naked as jaybirds fifty years ago."
"Well," Granny snickered,"What do you say...Should we?" Whereupon the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table.
"You know honey," the little old lady breathlessly replied, "My nipples are as hot for you as they were fifty years ago."
"I wouldn't be surprised," replied Gramps, "One's in your coffee and the other one's in your oatmeal."
The efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution. "You don't want to try these techniques at home.".
"Why not?" asked somebody from the audience..
"I watched my wife's routine at breakfast for years," the expert explained. "She made lots of trips between the refrigerator, stove, table and cabinets, often carrying a single item at a time. One day I told her,' Hon, why don't you try carrying several things at once?'"
"Did it save time?" the guy in the audience asked.
"Actually, yes," replied the expert. "It used to take her 20 minutes to make breakfast. Now I do it in seven."
One man explaining to another why he fired his secretary:
"Two weeks ago," I said, "was my forty-fifth birthday and I wasn't feeling too hot that morning anyway. I went into the kitchen for breakfast knowing that my wife would be pleasant and say 'Happy Birthday' and probably have a present for me. She didn't even say 'Good Morning' let alone say 'Happy Birthday'.
"I said to myself Well that's wives for you. The children will remember.' But the children came into breakfast and didn't say a word. And when I started to the office, I was feeling pretty low and despondent.
As I walked into my office, Janet said 'Good Morning, Boss-Happy Birthday' and I felt a little bit better that someone had remembered. I worked until noon. About noon, Janet knocked on my door and said, You know it's such a beautiful day outside and it is your birthday, so let's go to lunch, just you and I.' I said, 'By George, that is the greatest thing I have heard all day. Let's more...
1. Your potted plants stay alive.
2. Having sex in a twin-sized bed is absurd.
3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to sleep.
5. You hear your favorite song on an elevator.
6. You carry an umbrella. You watch the Weather Channel.
7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of hook-up and break-up.
8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to
7.
9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as 'dressed up'.
10. You're the one calling the police because those darn kids next door don't know how to turn down the stereo.
11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
12. You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
13. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.
14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald's.
15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
16. You no longer take naps from noon to 6 p.m.
17. Dinner and a movie more...
One man explaining to another why he fired his secretary:
"Two weeks ago," I said, ''was my forty-fifth birthday and I wasn't feeling too
hot that morning anyway. I went into the kitchen for breakfast knowing that my
wife would be pleasant and say 'Happy Birthday' and probably have a present for
me. She didn't even say 'Good Morning' let alone say 'Happy Birthday'.
''I said to myself 'Well that's wives for you. The children will remember.'
But the children came into breakfast and didn't say a word. And when I started
to the office, I was feeling pretty low and despondent.
''As I walked into my office, Janet said 'Good Morning, Boss-Happy Birthday'
and I felt a little bit better that someone had remembered.
''I worked until noon. About noon, Janet knocked on my door and said, 'You know
it's such a beautiful day outside and it is your birthday, so let's go to
lunch, just you and I.' I said, 'By George, that is the greatest thing more...
1. Your potted plants stay alive. 2. Having sex in a twin-sized bed is absurd. 3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge. 4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to sleep. 5. You hear your favorite song on an elevator. 6. You carry an umbrella. You watch the Weather Channel. 7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of hook-up and break-up. 8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to7. 9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as 'dressed up'. 10. You're the one calling the police because those darn kids next door don't know how to turn down the stereo. 11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you. 12. You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore. 13. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up. 14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald's. 15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt. 16. You no longer take naps from noon to 6 p.m. 17. Dinner and a movie - it's the whole date instead of just the beginning of one. 18. MTV more...